


My heart beats hard

by Totally_Legit



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2Jae, Alternate Universe, Anal Plug, Angst, Come Eating, Filthy, Heartache, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Jaebum is a massive perv, Lack of Communication, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Overstimulation, Porn, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, Switching, University AU, fraternities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22424215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totally_Legit/pseuds/Totally_Legit
Summary: Jaebum wasn't welcome at the party. He drank more than was good for him.And he found himself lusting over a boy he shouldn't be lusting about.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 66
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello dear penguins and cheese crackers <3  
> Here's for another quick One-Shot that went astray into something larger :D
> 
> Dub-Con warning for following chapters: It's mostly bc they're drunk and also because Jaebum doesn't technically ask first.

Jaebum took another sip of his beer. He drank too much, too quickly and regretted it instantly, stomach tumbling with the oversaturation. He sipped again. The hazy buzz of alcohol rising constantly with the sole purpose of drowning out the sorrow he’d carried with him when he stepped over the threshold of the frat house earlier that evening.

He probably shouldn’t have come. The  deep settled regret, ever since he set a foot through the door, kept growing and gnawing inside and the alcohol, no matter how hard he tried, failed miserably to keep it at bay. It had worked, for a while, but there was only so drunk he could possibly be before he’d black out. It was pathetic, just like his presence at a party he had no business being at.

He stood quietly back against the wall, eyes trained intensely on the far away corner right across the room. The light was flickering, the music noisy. Drunk, sweaty bodies churning on the improvised dance floor, raw voices shouting and screaming, causing a headache in everyone who was just a tad less drunk. Which didn’t include Jaebum. He was fucking wasted from his attempt to lighten his mood that only left him grumpier. At least as wasted as everyone else, including the figure on the other end of the room, up on the counter, half-naked, swaying to the rhythm of the music with more strength and determination than Jaebum probably had ever possessed in his life.

He had found it increasingly harder to take his eyes off him as the night went on, the more beers he downed in his solitude and depression.

And the longer he stared the less he managed to hide the fact that he did, the less he shied away whenever the sparkling eyes caught his gaze and held it for a while. Sometimes with a dreamy expression as if he looked right through him, sometimes with his head bowed and his eyes glinting through his lashes and sometimes with a knowing smirk playing around the red lips that had Jaebum squirm helplessly in his spot. He knew he was staring, it was pointless to pretend he wasn’t.

And Jaebum was far from the only one. To be honest it was hard  _not_ to look.

It had started out as a joke, probably, cheers and laughter following him as he climbed up on the countertop still fully clothed. But as the night progressed and alcohol poured he’d shed, layer after layer until he was left in nothing but a scanty pair of briefs, bare feet sliding over the slippery surface as he  _danced_ . His chest covered in sweat and glitter, like the rest of his body, like the damp strands of black hair clinging to his face and flying with the flicks of his head. Like the flexing thighs, exposed and fleshy and like the sinful curve of the spine, all the way from the neck down to the almost-exposed tailbone. Someone must have doused him on purpose in a whole bucket full of the glitter having it stick to his skin and hair, making it glow in the light, reflecting off his surface as if he was covered in diamonds, sparkling with every move, highlighting every ripple of muscle, every protruding bone.

Jaebum lost himself in the play of lights and shadows more times than he could count while the glistening body swayed and twisted and spun. He took another sip of beer while he stared like a thirsty maniac, regretting more and more even showing up at this place.

The flickering body up on the counter moved frantically, out of rhythm with the beat of the music, but he didn’t seem to care much. A wide grin plastered on his face, a joy so pure it didn’t fit with his nakedness and lewd motions as he flung his head around and caught Jaebum’s gaze once more, piercing through him and making his stomach rumble.

The last bit of his rational thinking told him this was wrong. But what the hell was Jaebum supposed to do? Who could blame him to  _look_ ? How should he have prevented that when the clothes began falling, another part of his brain chimed in with its way of thinking? Or rather -his other brain.

He shouldn’t be lusting over the boy, but  _hell_ he did. The way he moved, the glow of his naked skin, the cocking of his head, it all was so lewd, it had Jaebum tumble down a rabbit hole of naughty thoughts that he couldn’t control. It was so bad that a few times he actually had to cast his eyes away and think about Nora vomiting on the carpet to avoid popping a boner in the middle of a crowded room.

He didn’t know how he went there, but then again. Anything was better than hanging around in a corner, bored and friendless, so it shouldn’t be too surprising he found entertainment in a pretty boy’s filthy striptease-show.

Jaebum’s cock twitched over a very explicit albeit sloppily executed hip thrust and he opted to cast his empty beer away and get himself a new one. Just as he pushed himself off the wall, a girl climbed up onto the counter and reached upwards and the sparkly boy’s eyes flickered to look down at her catching her hand in his own and under the cheers and squeaks of spectators, ran her palm down his naked chest.

Jaebum didn’t watch when the performance evolved into a fully grown lapdance, as filthy and sexual as only a fraternity’s graduation party could become. Beside an actual strip-club.

He made his way through the mass of bodies, all sweaty and all gross until he reached the kitchen to find another drink. Noone he passed by paid him much attention but by now he was too drunk to care.

Jaebum was far outside of his comfort zone in the frat house, not the kind of people he would voluntarily surround himself with and therefore he knew pretty much nobody at the party. He shouldn’t have come, he’s been in a sour mood all day and most of the night anyways, but the sad alternative would have been to simply spend the evening at home by himself and he wasn’t sure he’d have been any happier there. Spending your last night  of university alone with a book while your entire graduation class is out partying. Very classy.

So, he told himself he should go out no matter what he felt like. Get shitfaced and maybe, just maybe, have a little bit of fun. Something he’d been seriously lacking these past long weeks. He’d never been naïve enough to think that maybe he’d make some friends. Seriously, who makes friends on the last day of uni. How would that work and what the hell would even be the point. He’s never gonna see any of these people again. Without the distraction of a spicy tabledance to watch, his heart remembered to ache and his mood plummeted.

At least he’d figured he could’ve had the  _chance_ to just… socialize a little if he  went out . So when Jinyoung sort of, cautiously extended an invitation in his direction, he’d taken it. Swallowed his pride and nod-shrugged in response as if he meant to say “Maybe… If I got nothing better to do.” And of course he had nothing better to do, but he needed not to tell him that in the face.

He was grateful somewhat that, despite his nonchalant agreement, Jinyoung had put him on the ‘guest list’ for his frat’s party, because Jaebum’s fragile ego would have shattered beyond repair being turned away at the door. Despite having known Jinyoung for a while, he had never really met any of the dudes in his fraternity, because honestly, they weren’t Jinyoung’s kind of people either.

And obviously he didn’t spend any time with them now either. Jaebum wasn’t stupid. He knew right away that Jinyoung wouldn’t be here himself, that he had somewhere else to be, other people to be with for the most celebratory of nights. And he also knew that being invited wasn’t the most selfless gesture. Probably a lackluster attempt to soothe a bad conscience, Jaebum thought bitterly. So that Jinyoung wouldn’t have to have his night ruined about Jaebum home alone with a book.

Many times this night and many times over the past couple of weeks Jaebum had felt like crying. He’d felt the burn in his throat, struggling to keep the tears at bay while he drowned them in alcohol and noisy music and smoldering desire for a handsome boy he shouldn’t feel this way about. It was pathetic and he was grateful that the buzz of beer and vodka had numbed the pain until nothing was left but bitterness and a hint of anger.

Whatever hope he’d had for a few hours of fun though had withered away over the course of the night and if it wasn’t for the free booze he wouldn’t have stayed this long. And, well… he had to admit grudgingly while he elbowed his way back to his comfort-spot against the wall, and  _him_ . He let his gaze find its way back to the other the side of the room to keep enjoying the show… - just to find the spot on the counter occupied by a pretty girl with long, wavy brown hair.

Jaebum’s heart sank. Automatically his eyes began scanning the crowd, searching through the blur for a head of messy black hair, but he could barely tell where one head began and ended. He let his shoulders drop and slumped back against the wall. What a great turn of events, he thought grumpily, just enough to make the night perfect. As he sipped from his fresh beer, cold and bubbly, he decided it would be his last. There was no point staying anymore.

Not that he would have ever  _admitted_ that the stripping boy on the counter was the main reason he stayed in the first place. Because then he would also have to think about why it upset him so terribly that he’d finished his show sneakily and vanished. The yelling noise of the crowd had changed into a significantly deeper-voiced one with a half-naked girl on display, but Jaebum couldn’t find any joy in watching her dance.

What had been so incredibly fascinating to watch  _him_ ? Of course he was hot, who was Jaebum to deny it. And of course he was sexually frustrated, no way around it. But he secretly wondered if that was all or if… maybe… there was something else. Something deeper, something darker. A desire, a burning need, an attraction that was more than the shallow appreciation of a handsome face. Maybe it was the way he seemed so  _easy_ , displaying himself like a cheap stripper, like a  _whore_ , willing to be bent over and taken by  _any_ one. Jaebum could be that any. He’d do it, given the chance.

Now though… What else was there do to in this place. Left to his dark thoughts, a viciousness that would certainly have him hate himself once he was sober again. He set his half-emptied beer down on a nearby table and turned away from the crowd to make his way to the door. He’d go back to his dorm room for the second to last time in his life and allow himself to pass out, so that he may forget his suffering at least for a few hours until he would wake up, undoubtedly with a massive hangover.

He’d only made a few meters until something -or rather someone- grabbed his wrist and stopped him in his tracks. And before he could so much as turn around he felt a hot mouth press to his ear from behind, causing him to shiver and over the pounding bass he heard a voice tell him. “Come with me.”

His hand was pulled in the opposite direction, spinning him around and he stumbled in his attempt not to fall, feet carrying him forward instinctively. It took him a moment to realize what was happening. In front of him a sturdy figure battled its way through the crowd, tugging him along with ease. He could make out a naked back, sparkling in the flashy lights, a sinful downwards curve that ended in the low-hanging waistband of a black pair of briefs. Crowned with messy black strands of hair and thick arms whose muscles were flexing under damp skin.

Jaebum’s head spun, his mouth hanging open. He wanted to say something, protest,  thought he might managed to get something out, but if he did it couldn’t be heard over the music and so he followed.

The crowd thinned out where they made it to the stairs and Jaebum distinctly noticed that some heads turned their way and once they were two, three steps up the staircase, some obnoxious people hollered after them. But mostly he was focused to not fall over his own feet and crash to the ground from the pull. And the drunkenness. And the dizzying view in front of him, a curvy butt above thick thighs and long legs ending in a pair of snow-white sneakers.

The light was dimmer upstairs, but he sounds of the party insignificantly quieter. They walked all the way down the hall, the music’s bass shaking the floor, but people’s voices muffling the further they came until they reached the very end and the last door on the left was thrown open violently and Jaebum almost fell inside the room from a push.

The lights were switched on, the door slammed shut and Jaebum just so managed to collect his thoughts, figured he was now going to finally ask what the hell was happening. But then he stared into a pair of bright brown eyes, so close to his own and there were hands on his chest and he was crowded backwards until he thumped into the solid door and the whole length of a warm body molded flush against his front. And his tongue was tied.

There was no way denying the shudder of arousal that caught up with his hazy mind, sparks shooting through his veins. It rushed to the surface faster than he could control. The thoughts and images and fantasies he’d barely been able to keep in check crashed in on him and they didn’t seem to care about the absurdity of the moment. 

Arms snaked around his torso, hips ground into his crotch and the warm, moist lips returned to his ear, grazing the shell and spreading wet breath over his skin. “You want me.” It wasn’t a question. And it was nothing but the truth. 

With his nerves bare and raw, unbridled desire clawing through his chest, Jaebum didn’t have it in him to deny, nor to ask for an explanation. Every bit of flesh and skin he’d admired from so far away was now impossibly close.

„Did you enjoy the show, darling?“ The voice was barely above a whisper, rough and used and just enough sound to have shivers chasing down Jaebum‘s back. He released a crooked noise from his throat, dry and mindless. Whether it was where this situation was going or not, but right now it clearly spoke of sex. The body pressed against his own vibrated in cocky laughter, then he pulled away, just enough to look up at him with shining eyes and shinier lips. „Thought about what you wanna do to me?“ Jaebum‘s brain was lagging massively, as if he watched the lips move silently and the sound followed with a delay. He swallowed. He felt bound, chained to the spot, something very akin to lust invading his body painfully strong.

It wasn‘t right, he was sure. It was very certainly wrong. How did he end up in a bedroom with the glowing  dancer from the countertop? And how did  that sinful beauty know that he‘d been wanting it before he even knew it himself? Jaebum stared in his expecting face, taking shallow breaths to calm his strangely racing heart. 

A hand traveled up to his chest, then down between them, down, down until it reached the waistband of his jeans. It was hot and it was suggestive and it had Jaebum‘s body react on instinct with the lack of brain-response. „I bet you did.“ Now it  _was_ a whisper and Jaebum‘s blood rushed south a little faster. „I bet it was naughty.“

Yes he had. Yes it was. And he realized he didn’t care about the consequences and he didn’t want to think about why he wanted it so badly any longer. He just wanted it.

And it all culminated in the insane desire to reach out for this terrifyingly beautiful creature and touch it. And claim it. And ruin it.

He opened his mouth around a shaky breath, just as the nosy hand slipped over the front of his pants. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, how much truth would spill once he spoke, but he didn’t have to anyways. A finger was placed on his lips accompanied by an audible „Hush.” The smile he saw was both seductive and devilish. „Show, don’t tell.“ He breathed, then pushed himself off of him and strolled over to the bed, hips swaying deliciously before he crawled onto the mattress with catlike grace, leaving his sneakers tumble to the floor.

Strangely enough, the sudden lack of warmth from another body had Jaebum heat up even more, but maybe it was just the view again. It took him nothing to break his chains and stride after him who reached his destination and turned around with a smirk, falling backwards into the sheets with his sinful legs stretched out and the fingers of his right hand grazing the waistband of his panties. Jaebum left his own shoes as he climbed into the king’s sized bed where one barely clothed, black-out drunk, sweaty and drop-dead gorgeous Choi Youngjae was waiting to be wrecked.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess I found my way back to my good old predatory Jaebum. Ah, I missed him.
> 
> I should also start mentioning that I appreciate all kinds of feedback, even critisism, so let me know your thoughts <3

The first touch to his hot skin was electric. He set his hand on top of his thigh, digging his knee between them to hover above him. He watched muscles flex when he moved his palm up, over his hipbone and chest. Youngjae leaned into the touch, let his lips part and his eyelids flutter. Jaebum dragged his thumb over his throat when he reached his neck and finally tangled in the messy hair that he was staring at all night long.

It was damp and sticky from sweat and worse. At close range he was filthy overall, the party glitter sticking to skin laced with various spilled drinks and his bottom lip was cracked, his eyes drowsy. He stemmed up onto his elbows when Jaebum leaned over him, reaching, bringing their faces close enough and Jaebum almost let it happen, but in the last second he drew out of reach, witnessing an emotion flash in Youngjae‘s eyes that he could decipher only if he were sober.

He moved back down to where he started, hand on the thick flesh of his thigh and then around the outer side until he reached the back. He wasn’t sure if he pulled or if it was Youngjae himself who propped it up, but nonetheless he dug his fingers under the hem of his panties, far enough to grab a handful of bouncy cheek, pressing his fingertips into the skin.

„Your ass is really hot.“ It was only after the words left his mouth that Jaebum realized it was the first thing he ever said to the boy and it wasn’t the most charming line he could’ve come up with. His drunk-ass brain told him to go along with it anyways. „I kinda wanna fuck it.“ He stated dumbly and it would have sounded awful to a sober listener, but Youngjae probably wasn‘t. He cocked his head sideways. „Condoms in the drawer.“

His hand slipped out of the tight space between the mattress and Youngjae‘s forbidden behind when he crawled over and open the nighstand, finding condoms and lube scattered between an impressive variety of sex toys. He grabbed some and dropped them onto the sheets before hooking his fingers into Youngjae‘s briefs and pulling them down quickly.

Full nudity added a whole other layer he found when he slipped the scanty piece of clothing down along the beautiful legs and dropping it down to the flo or.  _This was going to be a quickie_ , he told himself when he dropped the scanty piece of clothing down to the floor and eyed Youngjae‘s drawn out naked body in all its messed up perfection with his glittery stomach, perky nipples and soft cock lying against his thigh.

_Or not,_ he figured, setting his palms to Youngjae’s shins and moving up his legs, feeling tender skin and hard muscle. Even though the motion was barely noticeable, his thighs spread willingly while the rest of his body remained soft in the sheets. Jaebum’s cock stirred in the confines of his pants. It was tempting and he couldn’t tell if Youngjae did it deliberately or if he was just drunk. But for a moment, as he stroked up his legs hypnotized, the fantasy was vivid.

Just throwing him over, pushing him into the sheets and having his way with him. Merciless and selfish,  _taking_ . With no regard for his feelings or needs, turning him into a conquest, something to be had and thrown away, leaving him behind a little less of a person than he was before. Jaebum shuddered, fingers tensing around the supple flesh of Youngjae’s pretty thighs. Too pretty. And so nude. Jaebum could stay dressed while Youngjae’s naked body fell apart beneath him and he would be so vulnerable and Jaebum would be so powerful. So careless. So in-control.

Jaebum heard a rough breath, maybe a hiss and got torn from his thoughts. He noticed his cramped hands and released them, having dug deep into the flesh and he glanced up, found Youngjae eyes that caught him and didn’t let him go.

He wouldn’t. Jaebum leaned down, pressed his lips to one of the imprints of his fingers. His eyes fell shut as he inhaled the scent of alcohol and sweat and skin. Wouldn’t it be better, he thought, kissing upwards the rest of his thigh, if Youngjae would enjoy it? Really enjoy it? Jaebum’s lips found Youngjae’s length and he felt it twitch against them. Enjoy himself so much in Jaebum’s hands he wouldn’t ever be able to forget it, no matter who he fucked in the future?

Jaebum licked up his shaft, noticed the way it made his skin prickle and Youngjae’s body tense. And wouldn’t it be a million times better… He moved, let go of the wakening member and placed his lips on his stomach, noticing the rough of the glitter particles against them … if they both enjoyed it?

If they had a real blast? He let his tongue peek out reaching his chest and dragged it against a perky nipple, hearing the gasp clearly. If they had the best sex in both their lives and they had it with one another?

He kissed up Youngjae’s collarbone, not straightforward but steady and he slipped one hand deep between Youngjae’s legs, pushing the pads of his fingers against his rim. He was aware of how they spread apart further for him. Reaching right beneath his ear Jaebum paused, panting harshly against his skin, even though he didn’t know when his breathing had become so labored. “Are you sure you can handle my naughty?” He taunted, unwilling to let it shine through how sure he meant it.

He expected a scoff or a teasing glint, but when he lifted his head he found Youngjae’s face soft and sincere. And he gave no answer.

Jaebum decided to accept it as a challenge. He bent down again to kiss his throat and then returned to teasing a nipple while letting his fingers trail up between his legs and grabbing his half-hard length gently, teasing it with light strokes and feeling Youngjae’s body melt away. It was intoxicating and spurred him on more than he’d like to admit.

It didn’t take long for Jaebum to feel too hot and too restricted. He sat up rashly and tore his shirt over his head. Noticing how Youngjae watched him, eyes sparkling in the light and chewing on his tongue he slid his fingers down his naked front to see his eyes follow and he took it slower to pop open his jeans and get them off.

Once his underwear was out of the way he grabbed his own cock, throbbingly hard and gave himself a few pumps, watching intently how Youngjae shifted on his back and actually, seriously licked his lips. Damn.

Grabbing for the lube he discarded earlier he almost dropped it and he fumbled a little to get it open. Crawling between Youngjae’s willingly parted legs went a lot smoother and he didn’t hesitate long before pressing his lube-covered fingers between his cheeks and against his hole. The reaction startled him, a soft moan that sounded overwhelmingly sinful from Youngjae’s pretty lips. But he would soon get used to it, fingering him open skillfully Youngjae rewarded him with even prettier sounds, breathless gasps and drawn-out moans while his hands grasped the sheets and his thighs tensed against him.

He felt good around his fingers, soft and tight, but Jaebum was so focused on his blissed face and churning limbs he could barely focus. His cock, now perfectly hard twitched when Jaebum’s fingertips brushed against his sweet spot, more a tease than pleasurable pressure, but Youngjae didn’t seem to mind. Jaebum left his place, fingers shifting inside him and he moved up to busy his mouth, licking his nipple again and sucking it into his mouth, doubling the intensity of Youngjae’s moans.

He could have stayed there and kept doing it forever, if his aching erection didn’t painfully remind him of his own hazy arousal getting in contact with Youngjae’s hot skin. So he scissored his fingers a last time as far as he could, receiving a hiccuped moan then pulled them free and grazed his teeth back up to Youngjae’s ear. “Turn around.” He rasped and he barely had time to make some space before Youngjae complied, worming around under him onto his stomach.

Jaebum climbed down and Youngjae immediately scrambled up onto his knees, putting himself on display so shamelessly it had a wave of heat crash though his insides. He just so remembered to tear open one of the condoms and roll it onto his aching cock. Youngjae shivered in his position as he waited for Jaebum to lather himself in a way too generous amount of lube, leaving him so slick, when he finally pushed the head of his cock against Youngjae’s entrance he slipped inside with such ease, he moaned heavily in surprise of the sudden tightness surrounding him. And he wasn’t the only one. Youngjae whimpered when he entered, back arching from the stretch.

Thrusting inside him was more an instinct than anything. Jaebum has never felt this raw, this skinned down bare to his deepest, most carnal desires. Youngjae opened up so well around him, allowed him to carve out his very own space inside him, a place for just him and noone else. And nothing else was left but their mingling moans and the wet, soft pressure and quick thrusts he paced into.

It could end like this, he figured. Not the sex, but the world. His pain melted away into nothingness, as if it had never mattered, as if Youngjae’s existence had been nothing but a dream and he would never have to think about it if the night never left for the morning.

  
  


In theory it was perfect. Youngjae felt like he should and better. Perfectly hot and tight, his insides a snug fit around Jaebum’s prodding cock. His entrance firm but giving, accommodating well and making every drag in and out a delicious friction to relish in. But something was missing. Jaebum listened to deep moans, watched the spine arch in a seductive downwards curve, felt soft skin under his palms where he held plush hips in place. And he rocked inside a body so willing it should be forbidden. He wondered mildly if Youngjae was even there, his noises luscious and loud and yet there was something more Jaebum needed.

Youngjae moaned chokily when Jaebum pulled out, watched his wet hole flutter around nothing and sat back on his heels. He could witness his body shake and twist and his neglected cock hanging so hard and heavy underneath him. He looked fucking delicious and Jaebum wanted a taste.

It was harder than he’d anticipated to flip Youngjae over, taught body resisting his push and eventually he had to pull out his knees from beneath him so he fell on his side with a small cry, then roll him over until he was spread out on his back again, glancing up at him curiously, but heavy-lidded. Spreading his legs apart was an easier task and Jaebum scooted down until he could hover over the twitching erection. He made sure to lock Youngjae’s heated gaze on him when he leaned down and guided the shining head between his lips.

Watching Youngjae’s soundless cry when he engulfed him was intoxicating, but it wasn’t enough so he pushed his head down, swallowing him halfway in one go and made his hips buck and his thighs clench around him. He moaned just as beautiful as he did being fucked, but now Jaebum could watch him also, see his flushed face and flexing stomach and enjoy his taste on his tongue. Youngjae’s fingers dug into the sheets, eyes but a slit and watery where they peeked out to look back at him.

Pulling back until he slipped almost all the way out, Jaebum traced his tongue around the tip, letting it loose and allowing Youngjae’s cock to form a dent in the length before tensing and licking him with the whole flat of it, nudging and teasing. Youngjae whimpered and writhed in the sheets, he must’ve been so turned already and so sensitive from the lack of friction to his member.

Closing his lips again, tightly, right under the head, Jaebum brought one hand up, rubbed it quickly along the back of Youngjae’s thigh and found his hole with two of his fingers. Pushing them inside was incredibly easy, all wet with lube and loose from the girth of his cock and the skin in and out was so soft, so giving, his own cock ached with the memory of it and he pushed his hips against the mattress.

Youngjae on the other hand whined, incredibly loud and his entrance clenched tight around the sudden intrusion, hips bucking but whether he pushed up into his mouth or down on his fingers, Jaebum couldn’t tell. His eyes though finally screwed shut fully, while his mouth opened wider not to hinder the constant stream of lewd noises that bubbled from his throat.

Jaebum rubbed into him quickly, performing a thrusting motion hard enough that his hand collided with his rim each and every time, stimulating his entrance more than anything, though he loved the velvety sensation around his digits nonetheless. If anything he felt even hotter now and he didn’t stop clenching erratically as if his dick had spoiled him and now his fingers were too little and he had to tighten in order to feel him right.

But Jaebum also kept sucking, relaxing his jaw and taking his cock deep in his mouth, tasting the saltiness of precum and leaving it wet with saliva. Youngjae gasped and moaned, couldn’t keep his hips still and his head flew left and right on the pillow.

He was so fucking bare. So raw and lewd and it was perfect down to the smallest detail. Through the unintelligible moaning Jaebum could make out something that sounded like garbled words and Youngjae’s thighs tensed and his hole clenched down on his fingers tightly. He bobbed his head, lips closed tightly around his shaft and rashly pulled his fingers free from the strong hold.

Youngjae exploded in his mouth, screaming in pleasure as he came hot and wet on his tongue, tearing the bedsheets up and cock pulsing as it filled him with spurts of cum. He was shaking through it when Jaebum plopped off, dribbles of sperm running down his twitching cock when it was freed. He crawled up, dragging his lube-wet fingers that had been resting against his rim up his balls to curl his hand around his length and stroke it through the aftermath.

And then he reached the height of Youngjae’s face and in a rush of adrenaline and want and something else, something dark from too deep inside him, he finally pressed his lips down on his. His mouth was still hanging open from the desperate moaning and heavy panting and it was almost too easy. Jaebum parted his own lips and pushed his tongue into the hot mouth, shuddering from so many things at once. Youngjae groaned and croaked when the taste hit him, when Jaebum gave him his own cum to swallow, but he did not draw away. Lips not fitting right it ended in a phenomenal mess, spit and watered down sperm dribbling down the corners of Youngjae’s mouth, but he still responded to the kiss, albeit sloppily as Jaebum let his tongue nudge and prod against him.

Youngjae’s body was limp, but he was still consciously moaning, muffled through the filthy excuse of a kiss all while Jaebum lazily jerked his softening cock. He himself was still rock hard and probably more turned on than he’d ever been in his whole life, Youngjae so readily accepting of what he did, sucking on his tongue and swallowing obediently. Jaebum wished he could see his Adams apple bob when he did, but he was already desperate enough from imagining it and the fact that Youngjae just allowed for himself to be kissed and kissed even though the noises he spewed into his mouth were becoming more crooked and desperate by the second.

When Jaebum finally detached and removed his hand it was for his own sake, not because he didn’t want to find out how long Youngjae would accept the overstimulation before he stopped him. His eyes fluttered open heavily and followed Jaebum when he set back and hoisted his hips up. “Relax.” He ordered, voice embarrassingly raspy and sunk his cock back inside his body with no resistance.

Youngjae whimpered weakly, but his hole was soft and loose, opening up around his length with ease and his eyes fell shut and his head lolled to the side when Jaebum started thrusting. It was heaven to finally slip into the wet heat again, the simmering arousal crashing back into him with full force, setting his nerves on fire and spurring him on.

Pounding Youngjae’s limp form was almost even better, listening to soft mewls and exhausted whines and feeling the tender walls accommodate his length perfectly. He fucked him with long, steady strokes, drawing it out as long as he could in his heated state after teetering on the edge for too long.

His orgasm built slow and scorching in his guts and when he was close he pulled free, ripped the condom off, throwing it far away and grabbed himself, flicking his wrist quickly. He came with a full body shudder, probably groaning noisily, balls drawing tight and then he finished in long spurts across Youngjae’s stomach and chest, dirtying his filthy skin even further.

He kept stroking himself until he was completely spent, drops of cum landing pitifully on Youngjae’s soft cock and fuck. Everything was just too pretty. He stared down at Youngjae’s body in awe, panting roughly while coming down from his high and every little piece of him was gorgeous. Messy and wet and sticky from too many various fluids, but his skin was still visibly sparkling in the light and his face so positively fucked out, Jaebum was certain to never have seen anything more beautiful. His lips were shining and flushed red and he hadn’t bothered to wipe away any of the mix of spit and cum that Jaebum had smeared around it. And while Youngjae watched him watching him from under heavy eyelids a smile played around his mouth that stirred something in Jaebum he couldn’t name.

He leaned forward to bring their faces closer and as he did he dragged his fingertips up his belly and chest and when he pressed them, cum-stained against Youngjae’s smirking lips, he parted them and flicked his tongue over the pads and allowed Jaebum to push them inside the hot cave.

His cock twitched weakly as he watched his fingers vanish and felt the naughty, wet tongue against them, sensation comparable to fingering Youngjae’s fucked-out hole. He closed his lips and sucked on his fingers, eyelids fluttering as if he enjoyed it, tongue lapping up all of Jaebum’s mess until nothing was left. Hypnotized Jaebum took his hand back, swiped up more of his sperm off Youngjae’s belly and fed it to him, chest heaving and mind hazy.

Jaebum might be a bit fucked up, he had to admit that. He also remembered vividly that he had once tried doing the same thing to Jackson, but it’d only resulted in him spending the rest of the night alone. His guts rearranged into a tight knot that made him sick in the stomach and he quickly scooped up every left bit of cum, stuffing his fingers back into Youngjae’s mouth frantically.

His tongue had gone lazy, jaw slack, but he still blinked contentedly up at him, while he wiped his soaked fingers off against his gums.

Only when he was sure there was no more left he removed his hand and finally replaced it with his mouth, slotting their lips together and letting their tongues play with one another.

He sank down onto the mattress, closely pressed into Youngjae’s side while they kissed and cooled down and even though Jaebum’s head was spinning from the alcohol slowly leaving his system and pure, intense fatigue… He was still burning, still aching deep inside.

“Is this your room?” He whispered against Youngjae’s mouth without moving away and it was garbled, but he still received a slow nod in response.

Groaning in exhaustion Jaebum rolled away and leaned back over to the nightstand, pulling open the same drawer as before, grabbing another condom and something else that had caught his eye earlier. Youngjae blinked at him when he turned back around, one cocky eyebrow raised as he eyed the item in his hand. Jaebum scooted against his side once more, pressing his lips to this jaw and the corner of his mouth while he stroked the hand with the butt plug down the length of his body, feeling him shiver slightly.

It was pretty and very heavy, shiny metal with a dark blue stone adorning the base and Youngjae’s lack of surprise was evidence enough that it was indeed his own. His decision to watch his face instead of where he planned to put it was the right one. Sure he fumbled a little to reach between Youngjae’s legs from his position, but his thighs opened in accommodation and when Jaebum found the loose, lube-leaking hole and pressed the narrow tip against it, he watched his nose scrunch and brows draw tight in discomfort, but he also whimpered needy and it had a shudder of returning arousal wake his skin.

The plug was really thick and pushing it all the way in proved a challenge even for Youngjae’s wide, used up hole and being pressed flush against his body he could feel the way his muscles moved under his glittery skin, shifting and twisting in his attempt to sheathe the big intruder. He gasped when the widest part was forced past his entrance and it simmered off into a soft whine, his hole closing around the base and locking it snugly inside, only the rhinestoned end peeking out.

Jaebum circled it lazily with his fingertips, feeling how well it fit between his cheeks and pressed them behind the flattened part to feel the soft, wet rim underneath, shifting and moving the plug in Youngjae’s insides and listening to his stuttering breaths.

He turned his face to push it into the hair behind his ear. “You’re perfect.” He mumbled and he meant it. It made sense. It all made sense when Youngjae was so perfect. Youngjae shifted, rolled on his side until they were face to face and wrapped around him with seemingly his entire body, kissing his face and mouth with wet, plush lips. “The perfect slut, ain’t I?” He murmured quietly before sucking his bottom lip between his teeth.

Jaebum’s breath hickuped and his exhausted cock jumped in interest where it was caught against Youngjae’s hot skin. “I don’t think you’re a slut.” He muttered back and he meant that too. As much as he liked the way Youngjae  _behaved_ like one, he was past the point where he wanted to shout that in his face.

“You should.” Youngjae told him, slowly grinding their crotches together until his breath became labored. “I’m so easy. Make men fuck me, because I’m good at it. Men like… “ Jaebum tore his mouth out of reached and witnessed Youngjae’s eyes fly open with delay. He looked at him, panting heavily and unable to keep his own bottom from rutting back against his pressure.

“It’s okay.” Youngjae whispered with a gentle smile that shouldn’t be able to bloom so brightly on his messed up face. Jaebum didn’t answer. He threw himself forward and rolled them over to press him back into the sheets and didn’t hesitate to latch his mouth onto his neck and squeeze his hips. He sucked feverishly on the hot skin, licking and biting and pressing his hands into every piece of flesh he could find. His motions were heated and erratic through the haze of sleepiness that wanted to contain him but that he fought back with all his might.

Youngjae writhed under him, leaning in to his touches and circling his bottom against him and the mattress. Jaebum moaned into his skin, scraping his teeth along his throat and collarbone forcing his cock out of its slumber, waking from Youngjae’s noises, the heat of his sticky skin and the friction between them.

Jaebum found Youngjae’s nipples again after an eternity, squeezing them between his fingers and nudging and rubbing and everything was just too hot and too tight and too loud. They kissed, breathed each other’s air and touched and tugged and pushed.

Youngjae whimpered when Jaebum’s teeth found his nipple too, while he grabbed handfuls of flesh of his thighs and clutching it tightly, letting his tongue lick and circle the perky nub until it must’ve been sore, but Youngjae just moaned and shuddered under him.

Finally Jaebum’s mouth made it down past the belly button and found Youngjae’s cock perfectly hard and ready. He peppered soft kisses to the head and listened to quiet whines as it slapped him right in the face when Youngjae’s hips bucked off the mattress. Then he slammed them back down, stomach muscles flexing prettily and his voice wavering off into a rough moan.

Jaebum opted to kiss his thigh too, before he forced himself to tear away from the addictive skin and fumble for the condom and lube. “Are you gonna show me what kind of a slut you are?” He asked and in any other moment he would’ve cringed about his words, but as he looked up he could see Youngjae nodding feverishly and his thighs spread wider under him. “Yes...” He added still, crooked and voice raw from overuse. “Fuck… g...”

It took him a couple of tries to tear open the package, hands fumbly and sweaty, but he managed eventually and with his other hand held Youngjae’s twitching cock steady to pull it over. There was nothing but a sweet gasp and for a moment his hips finally seemed to still the rutting, but as Jaebum poured a generous amount of lube right onto his dick, Youngjae moaned heavily and bucked into his hand when he spread it out.

Jaebum reached for his upper arms and pulled him up into a sitting position that had him wince and shudder, repositioning the plug that was still settled nicely in his ass. He crashed their lips together for a moment, a brief, sloppy kiss, then he climbed out and knelt down on the mattress to the side. “Show me.” He taunted, but voice wavering when he fell down onto his elbows, putting his butt on display.

“Oh fuck...” He heard Youngjae mutter, but he didn’t let him wait, sticky fingers coming up to curl around his hipbones, tips digging into his skin and Jaebum could feel him shifting, positioning himself behind, then the blunt head of his lube-covered cock pressed against his untouched rim. Jaebum hissed when he pushed inside, but Youngjae moaned obnoxiously and it was probably drowned out anyways.

Youngjae wasn’t big enough to hurt him really, but the sudden stretch was still uncomfortable. He bit through it, relaxed his muscles as to allow him far inside before he had to pull back to give it a short thrust. Jaebum grasped the sheets, panting heavily through the dull pain, but Youngjae’s overwhelmed noises were absolutely worth it. His fingers held him tightly, hard cock throbbing inside him as he rocked his hips slowly, nudging further and further inside until his hips lay flush against his ass.

They were both fighting for air, they were both exhausted and sore, but if nothing else, Youngjae seemed to be at least determined. He wasn’t gentle, grinding against him and moaning helplessly and Jaebum felt his abandoned cock twitch where it hung between his legs. His entrance was strung tight, unprepared for the intrusion and Youngjae must have felt it, gave him some time to adjust, just circling his hips without pulling out, just pressure in his gut and an itchy stretch.

“So tight… Not gonna last...” Youngjae let him know between his moans and Jaebum breathed out “Good...” But he wasn’t sure he heard. When he finally started thrusting it was sloppy and erratic. Under different circumstances Youngjae was probably good at fucking with his taught muscles and thick thighs and all, but he was just helplessly overwhelmed, sensitive from before and the extra stimulation from the plug.

His thrusts were slow but had strength, yet no rhythm. He fucked inside him without any pace or consistency and honestly, it drove Jaebum wild. It wasn’t enough to get him off, but just enough to have him peek down the edge, a dull pressure and inconsistent prod against his sweet spot. His body rocked forward with the force of the thrusts, but Youngjae’s hands still held his hips hard enough to bruise and he was still moaning like a maniac, commenting every motion, every shift.

In other words, it was fantastic. Jaebum’s never felt this raw, this naked and vulnerable and powerful all at the same time. And wasn’t that the whole point from the start? Wear them both down until they were nothing but each other’s remains? Clutching the sheets and scraping his teeth he focused on Youngjae’s pretty gasps and whimpers and the harsh, painful lust that burned in his guts and threatened to disintegrate him into a pile of ashes.

“F… fuck…” Youngjae stuttered, slamming into him wildly, crushing his walls with the brute force of his dick and then, with a rash motion he pulled out. It wouldn’t be wrong saying that Jaebum had been waiting for it, throwing himself around onto his back and sitting up, reaching for Youngjae’s leaking cock right when he pulled the condom off and grabbed him firmly in his hand. Youngjae clung to his shoulders, eyes screwed shut in bliss and rocked into his fist, squirming where he knelt between Jaebum’s legs.

Then he slipped his own palm over the back of Jaebum’s hand and came. His whole body shook with the force of it, a masterpiece of creation in Jaebum’s eyes, full of filthy noises and lewd expression and enough coherency to aim down when he emptied himself onto Jaebum’s skin. The look of it, the feeling and the implication had him shudder with arousal, when Youngjae spurted his mess over his lower stomach, not little of it dribbling down onto his own cock and he actually had to hold back to not follow immediately.

Youngjae rode it out  _long_ . Jaebum stroked him through it, way past over sensitivity, but Youngjae kept grinding his hips into his palm, whining noisily and nails digging into Jaebum’s skin harshly. He let his free hand travel soothingly up his waist and torso, petting him so gently it didn’t fit with the rest of the situation. With all the sweat and all the glitter reflecting off every centimeter of Youngjae’s skin it took him a moment to see. His face was distorted in a pain so much deeper and Jaebum saw them fall, tears streaming down his flush cheeks.

And between his whimpers and his whole body rutting into Jaebum’s grip, his soft cock slippery in his hand, Youngjae’s wet voice cried. “I’m sorry.” Just once and it was so deep and meaningful and Jaebum released his member and instead caught his body in a hug, locking his arms around his shoulders, listening to his ragged breath as his tears seized.

He shifted out of his embrace and a moment later it was as if it had never happened, which was probably good, because thinking about it too much might have killed Jaebum’s boner for good. Instead Youngjae, with astounding velocity crouched down between his legs and his red eyes peeked up at him when he got his tongue out and placed it against his skin.

Jaebum shuddered, moaning rough and overwhelmed, watching Youngjae lick his own cum off his stomach, long, filthy strokes of his tongue that he then curled inwards with his mouth open. The perfect show that had Jaebum’s blood burn scorching hot, only topped by the very moment he pressed the flat of his naughty tongue against his throbbing dick, followed by his lips, locking them on a spot and suckling all the fluids off him.

Jaebum didn’t get to know the true promise of a full-on blowjob from that heavenly mouth, because Youngjae barely managed to lick him clean before the pleasure inside him boiled over, all his senses heightened and every cell strung tight and sensitive. He moaned overwhelmed by the sudden rush of adrenaline and Youngjae caught it, never having stopped to let his eyes flicker back up at him and just as Jaebum crashed down the cliff he closed his warm hand around his shaft and wrapped his bloodred lips around his head.

He came harder than he ever had in his life and he knew deep down that it was not just Youngjae’s show that affected it, but in that moment he got drowned by so much unrealistic bliss that nothing else mattered. Youngjae’s hand pumped him gently, milked him for what he was worth, guiding him through the high until he was completely spent.

Only then he pulled himself up on his shoulders until they were face to face and tilted his head back to allow Jaebum watch him swallow and now it was him who wanted to cry. He pulled Youngjae in roughly and crashed their lips together and kissed him with everything he had left. Youngjae’s arms wrapped around his neck, he threw his legs over his thighs until he was almost straddling him and they held each other so closely, fronts pressed together so tightly Jaebum had trouble to breathe.

Jaebum let Youngjae sink back into the sheets, listened to him wince and shake and he just so remembered to reach between his legs and pull the plug free. Youngjae winced louder and shook harder, the plug was hot in Jaebum’s hand and it landed with a terrifying loud clank when he let it drop off the side of the bed.

He found a spot to lie by Youngjae’s side and pressed into it, reaching out a hand to wipe strands of hair from his sticky face. “Are you okay?” He asked quietly and it came out without him consciously thinking about it, but Youngjae just nodded while his eyes fell shut and he hummed quietly.

  
  


The aftermath felt dirty, a little bit cold and even more frightening. Youngjae clung to him as if his life depended on it and Jaebum couldn’t blame him. He’s put him through  _so_ much, it was just natural to be needy and clingy in his state.

The noises of the party had quieted significantly, but it was very clearly still going, even if it was only the hard core being left. Jaebum had never planned to sleep over, but there was no way in hell he could leave. Even if his mind wasn’t so wasted, so emotional and needy, his body was too exhausted to possibly even get out of bed.

Sleep was so close and he would welcome it, but he wanted to make sure Youngjae had drifted off first, so he held him tight and petted his back softly. “Do you feel better now?” Youngjae asked, a dull mumble against his skin. “Yeah…” He muttered back and figured. “Thank you.”

The noise Youngjae made sounded eerily like a snort, but he buried into his embrace and fell quiet and Jaebum wasn’t sure if he was asleep, but he let himself finally drift off into the blessed claws of sleep, completely black, completely quiet and perfectly comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an unhealthy obsession with the babies crying during sex :X  
> Writing this was a lot of fun, but it's been a while for me to be this filthy, I've written so much cute smut recently. It was a little weird.
> 
> Jaebum is also not letting me wrap this fic up as I planned, Idk he's kind of drawing it out, being all angsty and socially inept. Pls be patient with me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY. Chapter count has been updated. Gonna spend some more time with angsty bum. <3

Mornings sucked. Any kind of mornings, even the ‘good’ ones. But hungover mornings were the worst. When you woke up and felt so sick and exhausted, you didn’t even want to move, just wanted to stay curled and fall back asleep where everything was less awful. But at the same time you were dying of thirst and possibly starving and in order to get it you’d have to get out of bed. But you also knew as soon as you moved your head, the pain and sickness would come crashing in on you.

This morning was worse even. Because not only was Jaebum’s mouth dry as a desert and his stomach furry and aching, his ass also hurt and his dick kinda hurt and everything around him smelled of sweat and booze and sex. He felt like throwing up even before he opened his eyes and he opted to just groan unhappily.

It took him a moment to figure out that there were noises in the room, voices and music and after he comically long time he realized that it came from a TV. He was completely wrapped up in warm blankets, but there was also something else. Carefully, very carefully he blinked his eyes open and was faced with a sweatpants-clad thigh, legs stretched out onto the mattress and the white fabric of a T-Shirt bunched up around a pair of hips that ended in a torso leaned against the headboard.

“Fuck…” He breathed and the memories broke a dam and flooded his mind so fast and hard he forgot about his physical discomfort for a moment, only able to feel the emotional turmoil full of regret and self-loathing for a while.

The people on TV were still talking in the background and it made Jaebum’s head pound, but the figure in front of him showed no reaction. He wondered mildly how much of what he remembered was real and which parts were his fucked up fantasies that his weird brain decided to fill the blanks with. He dug his arm out from under the blanket and inched it forward, reaching helplessly for the thigh in front of him. When he did he placed his palm against it, felt the warmth and tenderness of the flesh, felt strange emotions radiate through his arm and invade his chest.

The figure finally moved. “Good morning.” Jaebum heard a soothing voice and a soft hand came to lie atop his own, warm and comforting in a way that had him ache in the depths of his heart. Then “Here.” And after some more movement he found a glass of water hovering above his face. His throat yearned for it, but it still required a lot of effort to sit up. The warm blankets slipped off his shoulders when he scrambled into a position that resembled ‘upright’ and reached for the water. He emptied it in just a few gulps, his stomach reacting with both, thankfulness and repulsion. The empty glass was taken out of his hand again before he had to worry about what to do with it and as if it had been a massive exhaustion, Jaebum let his body sink back between the sheets.

He’d probably fallen asleep again, because when he opened his eyes the next time the thigh was gone and his arm was reached out, lying limp on the mattress, but something nudged his shoulder. “Hey… You should eat something.” He heard a quiet voice. Jaebum crawled out of bed in a daze, was guided to sit down at the desk and was rewarded for his effort with a steaming bowl of ramen. Sipping spoonsful of hot, salty broth finally woke his spirit from its slumber and he even managed to slurp up a few noodles.

He didn’t like it. Waking up meant he could no longer spend stay inside his head where his benefactor was a faceless body of comfort, but had to face the reality of the situation. Not only has he had the filthiest of sex with Youngjae, _Youngjae_ mind you, but that shameless boy even had the audacity to take care of him so sweetly.

Jaebum turned around on his chair, blinked across the room and found him sitting on the edge of his lap. The TV was no longer running and Youngjae just sat there, hands folded tightly in his lap and watched him devour his soup. Jaebum turned back to his bowl before he mumbled a disheartened “Thanks.” That faded into the silence of the room and stayed unanswered.

He didn’t finish the ramen, but he drank as much of the broth as he could, soothing his dry throat and pounding head. He wanted a shower. He wanted to crawl back into bed and curl up in Jackson’s arms. He didn’t want to go home where nothing waited for him but bare walls and sealed cardboard boxes. But that’s exactly what he did. He pulled on his party clothes that were no longer strewn across the floor but piled onto the top of a drawer and then turned to finally face Youngjae fully who’d sat down and helped himself to Jaebum’s abandoned noodles.

He looked up. Jaebum looked back. “Thank you.” He muttered, unsure of what else to say. Youngjae nodded. “I hope you’ll feel better.” He answered, paused for a moment and added. “I am very sorry.”

That moment Jaebum realized it was a memory, not a fantasy that Youngjae had apologized the night before.  _“Do you feel better now?”_ Echoed in his mind. He’s had no mind to think about it in the turmoil of alcohol and sex and he barely had any mind to think about it now with his hangover banging against his skull. But it gnawed at him and he couldn’t pretend any longer that Youngjae chose him to have sex with out of pure attraction. Was there an agenda? Pity? He opened his mouth to say something. Anything, but he couldn’t deal.

So he just said. “Bye, Youngjae-ah.” And turned for the door. He heard his quiet reply when he was already out the door, just before it fell shut behind him. “Bye, Jaebum.”

The frat house was quiet. Jaebum wondered what time it was, if everyone was busy nursing their hangover, but when he’d made it down the stairs and passed by the kitchen he could hear voices and someone whistled. “Walk of shame, baby?” Someone called and various others broke out into laughter. Jaebum threw the front door shut with more force than necessary and if he had more energy he’d  _run_ home.

He suffered up the stairs, unlocked the door to his dormroom and bolted for the bathroom, falling to his knees and emptying his ramen-breakfast into the toilet.

  
  


Jaebum curled up in his own cold bed without the warmth of human skin and voices. He’d slept a bit and then he was just lying there, tired and hungry and stared at his phone an arm length away. His phone was quiet these days and this specific Saturday wasn’t an exception. He reached out to take it in his hand and then put it back down.

There was a heavy pressure on his chest, so extensive that he felt like he was suffocating and he was so helpless faced with the pain. He couldn’t get Youngjae off his mind. Youngjae had his cryptic words that he couldn’t decipher. And Youngjae’s warm, soft little hands on his skin and his plush thighs and his sinful moans and his desperate hugs and just everything.

It was so overwhelmingly much, too much for Jaebum to bear alone. It was layered. His incapability to stop thinking about the boy. His curiosity, his sexual desire and his pure, basic, instinctive need for human connection that he felt only Youngjae could give him.

And that made it so simple. He needed to talk to someone. Tell them about his sexual adventure and hear their opinion. Wonder together what Youngjae’s ulterior motive could have been to lure him in and seduce him. Jaebum couldn’t order his thoughts without any external input.

And then there, on the other hand, Jaebum wrapped his arms around his pillow and held it tight. He just needed a hug.

He rolled around on his bed, facing away from his phone and buried his face in the pillow too.

  
  


He would only have to hold out for another day. Not even. Tomorrow at noon his parents would pick him up and he would be allowed to leave this cursed dorm forever. He would go home for a whole blessed month before he’d have to come back to Seoul to start his first job. He had been excited originally, a good opportunity to begin the next chapter of his life. He’d even casually looked at affordable apartments online.

Now though. Now he had freeloaded himself into his uncle’s home for a couple of months while he saved up his paychecks to afford his own place. His uncle of course told him he was welcome and his younger cousin who was still in high school had even been positively excited. But still it didn’t change the fact that now he had to face the upcoming phase of life by himself. It felt like a whole other world he would be stumbling into where nothing of his old life was left and it frightened him.

He also didn’t believe that his uncle hadn’t told his dad about the planned arrangement already and he knew that he would have questions. Jaebum hadn’t told his parents yet, but he knew it would have to come up and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it. As much a she longed to go home and spend time in the welcoming arms of his family where he could feel safer and less confused and less burdened for a while. He would also have to tell them… something.

  
  


_Just a few more hours_ , he told himself. It was the middle of the night and he threw himself around in his bed. He felt stuffy and sore and he was wide awake with having slept continuously throughout the day. He’d also gotten real hungry in the past hours. He grabbed his phone and checked the time. 1:32 AM. Almost twelve more hours and his sleep pattern was now completely fucked.

So he pulled out his Laptop from between his boxes and put on a Drama he’d started a while back. And while it played he fiddled his phone between his hands. And the characters on screen talked about their future together. And Jaebum’s empty stomach roared in hunger. And his head had yet to stop aching. And finally he gave in. He pressed the dreaded icon on his screen, a short moment he held his breath as it loaded and then a bright, grinning face blinked up at him through the dim light.

Jaebum had not unfollowed anyone yet and that’s why he hasn’t checked on his social media channels for so long. He just meant to avoid it as long as he possibly could. He didn’t want to seem petty, demonstratively unfollowing them, which would also inevidently leave him with a very empty feed. But he didn’t really want to look at them either. So he just had refused to log in, had turned off the notifications, because he didn’t want to know that  _‘Markie-poo posted a new photo’_ . But of course that damn icon on his phone screen reminded him, taunted him to go check.

So he checked. The face that showed him a beaming smile through the camera wasn’t Mark’s. Or Minhyuk’s. Or anyone’s. It was Jackson’s. Brown puppy eyes and soft cheeks, one of them squished against the side of Jinyoung’s head, grimacing disdainful into the camera. Jinyoung style. He pretended to hate it, but he’d posted the picture anyways with a whole bunch of hearts added to the caption. Of course Jinyoung had posted it, because Jackson… well…  _him_ Jaebum had unfollowed immediately.

His guts twisted into a knot, painful enough for him to forget how hungry he was. He scrolled. His feed was full of pictures. Pictures of a party, pictures of them celebrating, pictures of drinks and pictures of whomever had one too many of those. Melancholic music was playing. The protagonist of the drama had just received some sad news and it was all a bit much.

There was a time when Jaebum would’ve had something to say about any of those pictures. “Aww, how pretty  ♥ ” “Wish I’d been there T__T” “So typical for him lol” He felt like it would ease his mind if he did. If he just left a comment under a few of them. But he’d come off as pathetic, wouldn’t he? If he knew whether they would comment on  _his_ pic if he uploaded one, it would be easier to decide. But obviously he hadn’t posted anything.

He opened his gallery, scrolling through photos he’d recently taken. A recipe for an Indian curry. A job ad. His microwave that he’d put up for sale. He hadn’t taken a single picture at the party. And even before that. What were you gonna photograph when there was nothing in your life worth keeping? He switched tabs in frustration and Jackson looked up at him again. Jaebum’s fingers cramped around the phone as a wave of anger crashed over him. This was bullshit. All of this was bullshit.

He threw his phone to the other end of the bed and switched the drama out for funny animal – compilations.

  
  


  
  


  
  


Jaebum showered, packed up the rest of his stuff and made a trip down to the coffee shop for a morning coffee and a whole bunch of different sandwiches, receiving a pitiful glance from the cashier when he placed his order loudly over the audible complaints of his empty stomach. Then he sat on his floor and played the game on his phone that had lulled him to sleep last night, interrupted only when a message popped up on his screen.

“We’ll be there in 10 minutes. Love, mum.” He abandoned his seat and trotted down the stairs to greet his parents outside and there he stood in the warm Sunday morning sun, leaned against the wall and a dull pressure on his chest. It was torture to wait, longingly staring down the street and eyes scanning for their car.

When it finally did arrive, he was an emotional wreck. His mother waved at him through the window when they pulled into a parking lot and he raised his hand in a small gesture to greet back. It was somehow overwhelming. When his parents exited the car and his mum raised her arms with a happy smile on her lips, calling out to him, something in him broke. The tension and anxiety that had built in him for weeks, unhindered and suffocating reached their climax and everything crashed over his head and drowned him.

He stumbled forward, throat hurting and reached out. “Mummy.” He whined and with a pitiful sob he fell into her arms. She stumbled backwards when he crashed into her, but caught him anyways, making a startled ‘Oh’ when he buried his face in her neck and his sob was followed by another and then another and the pain boiled over and right there in the middle of the street, on a beautiful summer noon, he cried.

He couldn’t really remember how his parents brought him back up to his apartment, but he ended up sitting on his bare mattress with his mother’s arms curled tightly around him and wailed all the heaviness off his chest. He did hear his father’s feeble attempt at lightening the mood (‘ _You must have really missed us_ ’), but he couldn’t acknowledge it. And he was grateful that he started grabbing boxes and carrying them down to the car.

Mums were the best. They would just hold you and soothe you for hours if you needed it. And they could make you feel as if anything you dreaded and anything that weighed heavy on you simply didn’t exist. And she didn’t ask him to pour his heart out, didn’t expect him to explain, she just petted his back and called him her ‘Poor baby’ and her ‘Precious son’ and told him that it was going to be alright.

Jaebum woke just in time from his self-pitying apathy to grab the last box from the ground, not paying any mind to the now-empty room or his dad trying to take the box from him and carried it down to the heavily loaded car. The trunk was full so he took the box onto the backseat with him and curled up against the seat wiping his itching eyes.

It reminded him a lot of when he was little and they were going on vacation, his parents’ light conversation lulling him to sleep on the back seat with a giant teddybear he used as a pillow. But even though they pretended like nothing was wrong and didn’t acknowledge his terrible mood, his sadness hung heavily over the car.

  
  


  
  


There was, however, only so much even a mother could do, even though she was heartbroken, when she had no idea what was wrong with her boy. Jaebum wanted to, he really did, but in the end he couldn’t bring himself to spill. Because everything was just so overwhelming and everything was hurting so much, the thing he wanted the most was to just… not think about it.

He didn’t open his social media again, even though he took a photo of his mum’s wonderful dinner and briefly thought about posting it with some wholesome message about family. And maybe a snarky remark about how family was the only thing you could count on. But he didn’t. He spent the day with movies and books and Youtube binges. And the next day. And the next too. And the one after that.

He could tell that his parents became more and more worried about him, how he stayed locked up and secluded in his room, but spending time in his bed with a book that let him escape into a fantasy world where other people were the ones who suffered and where every suffering was repaid in some form was the only thing that gave him some much needed relief.

It was like one of those nasty flus that lingered beneath the surface, but that your body desperately kept away from you because of that important assignment or exam you had ahead of you. And then when it was finally done and you were given a break it would knock you off your feet within hours, your immune system finally caving in and letting it consume you.

Jaebum had held out until graduation, had held on to a last shred of sanity for weeks, pushing the virus deep down. He walked campus with a stoic expression, with his head held high and his eyes piercing but never focused, putting up a wall of pride that would let nobody see how humiliated he felt. It added on an air of hostility around him that was accidental and eventually didn’t act in his favor, but there’d been nothing inside him able to care.

A hostility that warded everyone off. Everyone… But Youngjae.

He tried not thinking about Youngjae, but that just resulted in him thinking about Youngjae more and that didn’t help with anything. He ended up decided that no, Youngjae had not picked him at random. It just didn’t add up. The strange things he said and the way he’d selected him so specifically from the crowd. And it  _bothered_ him. Younjae had known who he was, hadn’t he?

Just as Jaebum shook it off, tried to ban him and all the other pathetic excuses of human beings from his mind and focus back on his book there was a knock on his door. He called out an unenthusiastic “What.” that he regretted immediately. He didn’t want to let his bad mood out on his parents, but it was hard. His dad stepped inside and both, the fact that it was barely four and his father’s tight expression told him he didn’t plan to call him over for dinner.

He closed the door behind himself. Another clue and it had Jaebum sit up in his bed and shut his book close, despite keeping it clutched in his lap. “Do you have a moment to talk, son?” His dad asked, a little too formal. Jaebum nodded, biting down on the insides of his lips. His dad walked over and grabbed his chair to pull it around, seemed to decide against it a moment later, left it where it was and came over to sit beside him on the corner of the bed.

It wasn’t that they had a bad relationship. It was just that they rarely every talked heartfelt or serious. Jaebum was mama’s child. “You have to forgive your mother.” Dad said without further ado and gestured a little. It wasn’t necessary, Jaebum knew what he meant, her always fussing and flailing around, tiptoeing around him and at the same time coddling him like a little boy while growing increasingly frustrated with his continuing silence. He nodded.

“She loves you and she wants the best for you.” His dad continued generically. “I know.” Jaebum voiced soundlessly and looked down at the cover of his book. “She… wouldn’t stop loving you. She wouldn’t think badly of you.” He took a heavy breath and somehow it sounded old. “She’s not ignorant. She’s just clueless.” Jaebum glanced over to him and found him also staring down at his book.

“Your uncle told me about your… arrangement and- Just so you know I’m not asking this out of nowhere and… I always wanted you to do it at your pace. Like. Come to us when you’re ready, but...” Jaebum’s fingers cramped, his heartrate picked up a notch. “You’re suffering, son and it hurts us to see you like this. So… You can tell you father you know.” Jaebum tore his eyes away and stared at the opposite wall. “So… did you… break up?” It was quiet for a moment. “You and Jackson?”

It should have been a strange moment. Jaebum expected shock, fear, shame, anything. But hearing someone say it out loud, the thing he couldn’t talk to anyone about. That’s what caught him off guard. Yes, him and Jackson had broken up. If it could be called that. Tears sprung into his eyes, not the first time since his outburst in front of the dorm, but this time he didn’t hate it nearly as much. He felt hot tears draw streaks down his cheeks and nodded.

“Yes...” He croaked with a strained voice and finally turned his head again, finding his dad looking at him with such a sad face and so much affection and empathy that even his eyes were looking a little wet. Jaebum sniffed harshly to steady his voice but it didn’t help.

“He cheated on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic went a little bit off the rails :X  
> I sat down to write the "last" chapter and so many things poured out. I think I posted prematurely.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely bunnies. I'm sorry for the long delay, I kind of had to take a break from writing due to life happening. But we're getting back to it and it's gonna be real steamy <3

„You should go and meet some friends.” His mum insisted one Saturday morning after he’d sat down to shovel some breakfast in his mouth. “Go take the train up to Seoul and have some fun, hmh?” She carded through his hair affectionately and placed a few bills down on the table. Jaebum stared at them morosely.

He’d been tempted to tell his dad everything that day, but eventually he hadn’t. A broken heart was excuse enough to be gloomy and depressed, no need to burden his parents with everything. So he’d kept quiet, cried about Jackson and begged his dad to tell his mum in his place. He had reluctantly agreed despite insisting that  _‘She’d want to hear it from you’_ . It was easier after that, more than he’d imagined. He knew his mother was shocked, scared, maybe sad. But she was still mum.

Jaebum felt lighter since then, but even fathers didn’t have a cure for broken hearts. “The only thing that’ll help will be time.” He’d been told. Time and to keep on living his life. If just he had one. He took the money for the train ticket, just to soothe her worries and he ended up sitting outside on the curb, seriously contemplating who he could call for a night out while his dad got ready to take him to the station.

When he stepped onto the train he still hadn’t figured it out. When the speakers announced their soon arrival to Seoul station, he still hadn’t figured it out. When he stopped by a coffee shop for a milkshake… You get the idea.

The places in Seoul that Jaebum was most familiar with were all in the area around the university, since that’s where he’d spent most of his time. That’s the excuse he made up in his head and told to himself over and over while he sat on the subway and walked down a street. It didn’t really work though, not when the large fancy houses came into view.

He really didn’t have anywhere to go, but if he was here already, he might as well find out what really happened that night at the party. Because it was driving him crazy. So, he found himself ringing the doorbell that late Saturday afternoon and be greeted by a young-looking handsome face with a curious smile. “Hi?” The boy said cheerfully and eyed him up and down. Jaebum nervously fiddled with his phone. “Hi…” He greeted back. He roamed his brain wondering whether he’d seen that guy, maybe at the party.

“Caaaan I help you?” The boy asked, seemingly amused. Jaebum cleared his throat. “I’m… here to see Youngjae.” He said and watched his expression darken pretty much immediately. “Oh…” He made obnoxiously but stepped aside and let him enter. Jaebum frowned in confusion, but the guy didn’t say anything else, so he walked through the room towards the stairs in the back. The place looked different from when it was filled with people and it also felt different. A bit unnerving and it took him a moment to realize that the boy was following him. And when he looked over his shoulder he found a second boy, giving him the same suspicious stare as the first.

He opened his mouth to ask “What?”, but for some reason decided against it and shut his mouth in silence. The two boys, both lanky and young, but aside from that completely different, one tall and fair skinned with wide shoulders and the other short and tanned with narrow eyes and dyed hair, followed him all the way to the upper floor, climbing the stairs right behind him. It was quiet in the hallway, nothing like during the party, the light dim as there were no windows and all the doors closed left and right.

When Jaebum halted in front of what he remembered Youngjae’s door at the end of the hallway, the boys also stopped, crossed their arms and appraised him from the side. He hesitated to knock. He couldn’t possibly imagine how Youngjae would react. He remembered how sweet he was the morning after, but he surely must have expected to never see him again, mustn’t he? Would he be upset, disgusted? Would he  _laugh_ at him? Would he make fun of him for being so pathetic and come crawling back to him just because their encounter was the sexiest night of Jaebum’s life and the most affection he’s gotten in months?

He really didn’t want other people to witness this moment, just in case it ended up as humiliating as his last encounter with Jackson when Mark pulled the ground out from under his feet. “Can you please leave?” He asked carefully towards the two boys who raised their brows in unison and shook their heads. “We’re Youngjae-Hyung’s bodyguards.” The tall one said and his voice sounded quite different from his friendly hello earlier. The skinny one next to him nodded enthusiastically.

Jaebum sighed, raised his arm and knocked on the door. Almost immediately a voice yelled “Come in.” And Jaebum carefully pressed down the handle and pushed the door open. He was faced with Youngjae’s back, for once… entirely clothed as he was leaned over his desk on the other side of the room. “What is it?” He asked over his shoulder without looking when Jaebum stayed quiet. He glanced over at the two boys and back inside the room and saw his chance.

He stepped inside and threw the door shut behind himself, hearing their little cry as he shut them out and locked the door. Youngjae spun around on his chair upon the noise, his eyes found him and narrowed in a frown while he glanced up at him from his place on the chair.

Jaebum still held the door knob behind his back looking at him, absolutely incapable of understanding what the hell he’d been thinking. This was super weird, he realized. They were One-Night stands who hooked up in such a drunk state that they might as well forgot each other’s faces after the morning.

Not that Jaebum could ever possibly forget his face. But Youngjae might. He couldn’t blame him if he did. “I’m sorry for barging in.” Jaebum muttered when Youngjae didn’t show signs of speaking or getting up, still clinging to the door knob as if to hold it shut against the nosy boys, even though it was locked. “I was just… I’ve been hoping that… No. Mh. Wondering if…” He broke off when Youngjae did rise to his feet after all, basically floating through the room towards him, one of those soothing, pretty smiles playing around his lips.

“Shhh.” He made sweetly, “Okay.” And he lifted his arm and then suddenly he was so close and Jaebum’s hypnotized brain couldn’t remember when it happened, but then Youngjae’s warm palm was against his cheek and his chest bumped into him, so that he ended up crashing backwards into the door, twisting his arm and pulling it out from behind himself just as Youngjae reached up and pressed their lips together.

Jaebum’s arm involuntarily snapped around his back, locked him in as tightly as Youngjae held him against the door with his hand against the side of his head and the other against his shoulder and his tongue pushing into his mouth. A sudden flash of heat coursed through him and left his blood tingling in its wake, catching him completely off guard.

He’d been so preoccupied questioning both Youngjae’s  _and_ his own motives, drawing up scenarios of shame, guilt and disappointment that hooking up hadn’t even crossed his mind. But as Youngjae’s soft body molded against his front and his head tilted to deepen their wet kiss, he found that it wasn’t exactly hard to fall into it. His nerves peaked in interest and it was quite easy to blend into the familiarity of intimacy as if they’d shared it commonly.

Youngjae’s lips broke away for a breather and as they did his prodding hands slipped between their bodies and dragged down Jaebum’s chest. His breath staggered between their faces and unwilling to think about anything he crashed their mouths back together, groaning against Youngjae’s teeth when his fingers reached the waistband of his jeans. Everything was quick and hot and staggeringly familiar, yet exciting.

The memories almost overtook him, the taste of Youngjae’s mouth, the warmth of his skin and the motions of his muscles, even though he smelled so different. He smelled of soap and hairspray and skin. And his hands fumbled between their bodies and despite the lack of space he was incredibly quick to tug open his belt and the button of his jeans and the urgency was so hot. And Jaebum felt his blood rush south in excitement and anticipation so  _quick_ while his skin and his blood felt so  _hot_ .

Youngjae shoved one hand inside his open pants and grabbed his still flaccid cock through his underwear, making him groan again and push his hips forward. “Good.” Youngjae murmured against his lips, whatever it meant and pulled away, just to swiftly sink to his knees right in front of him. Jaebum didn’t even get enough time to grasp the situation before he had already shoved his clothes out of the way and pulled him free.

A soft, wet heat closed around the head of his stirring cock in the blink of an eye and with a ragged moan Jaebum threw his head back, ramming it into the wood of the door. He heard a squeak from the other side, but his memory of the two nosy boys was already blurry and he could neither focus nor care because Youngjae’s plush lips cradled his dick so perfectly and then his tongue came forward and nudged against his tip and he was done for.

It didn’t take him long at all to get fully hard inside the confines of Youngjae’s warm mouth. His fingers were clawed into the waistband of his jeans and Jaebum didn’t know what to do with his own, so he instinctively carded one into his hair, using the other to steady his shaking body against the door. Youngjae lunged forward, his cock sinking deeper into his mouth until the tip nudged the back of his throat and while he gagged and shuddered, Jaebum choked on his spit and shuddered too and it was overwhelming. His fingers tightened, squeezing strands of Youngjae’s hair between them and his blunt nails scraped his scalp and a low grumble sounded from the depths of Youngjae’s chest, vibrating around his throbbing length, causing him to moan deeply.

Jackson had been very, very skilled in giving head. Always neat and clean and adept. Youngjae was nothing like that. He was sloppy and wet and his main focus seemed to be to swallow as much of him at once as he could manage. He pulled his head back, gasping for air and straining against Jaebum’s hold in his hair and then he surged forward again, swallowing around him, his throat constricting when he gagged, but _fuck_ . It was good.

He barely put his tongue to use, too busy with rubbing his lips down his shaft, the rough-ish surface of his tongue dragging along and the silky insides of his cheeks bulging and hollowing around him. It was messy beyond words and Jaebum’s knees buckled under the weight of his arousal. He could feel the cool air on his length when he slipped out of Youngjae’s mouth for a moment, because it was so wet with spit as he didn’t bother to swallow it back down, lathering him in thick coats of saliva that ran down his cock and dribbled off his balls.

Jaebum’s heart beat rapidly and painfully hard in his chest, his lungs burned with the need for air and it took him a while to notice that he was moaning with abandon, pleasure curled so tightly around his guts that he felt he would explode if he didn’t let it out somewhere. He felt gross underneath his T-Shirt and jeans, too tight and hot, but there was nothing he could do, not when Youngjae was so busy down there, gobbling him up like a treat.

Saying that his orgasm ended up anticlimactic would be an understatement. It wasn’t a bad orgasm, no, not at all. It was more the fact that  _everything_ was so freakishly intense and overwhelming. As if you turned up your stove on max heat in order to get the water to boil faster. But then it was so quick to heat up it would almost certainly boil over. Jaebum did boil over. He made it to his stove just almost in time, looking down and tugging at Youngjae’s hair, but the mental heat that added on to his pleasure when he saw his flushed face and wet eyes and swollen lips were incidentally the last push.

He groaned savagely, muscles tightening as his climax washed over him fast and hard and he emptied himself between Youngjae’s lips. His cock was pulsing in the heat of his mouth, nails dragging against his scalp and the door and for a moment he was perfectly and absolutely content.

Whatever Youngjae lacked in precision during the main plot, he sure knew how to pull off the endgame. He sucked him gently until he was completely spent, watery eyes blinking up at him and dragged his tongue into every crook and corner, swallowing deliciously in between and he kept him there, warm and wet all while he went soft and his heaving chest slowed down.

When he finally did pull away and Jaebum slipped out of him, it was almost regretful. But Youngjae’s tongue perked out and he continued to lick him clean carefully and along with it he peppered sweet kisses all over his dick. It was so gut-wrenching cute and sexy, he wished he could go back in time and experience it all over again from the beginning.

But now that his cock was no longer stuffing Youngjae’s throat he could hear and feel and see just how hard he was breathing, gasping in between pecks and his fingers were clawed so tightly into the fabric of his jeans that his knuckles turned white.

The show must go on. Jaebum didn’t trust himself to be able to get up again in case he squatted down to Youngjae’s eye level, so he instead tugged on his hair, removed his shaky hand from the surface of the door to reach for his shoulder, dig into his shirt and pull. He followed his lead, came up to him with a heavy, strained motion until they were face to face again, Youngjae leaning against him with his full weight, the bulge in his sweats hard and obnoxious against his hips and his lips shiny and eyes hooded.

He was too fucking beautiful to be real. Jaebum brought their lips together, his fingers still tangled in his hair and kissed him hard and wild, licking his own taste off his tongue and breathing in the soapy scent of his skin. He pushed him backwards when he deemed himself stable enough on his feet and they tumbled their way to the bed, managed just so to fall down only when it was within reach and Jaebum landed heavily on Youngjae’s soft body, dragging a groan from his throat.

It took some fumbling until they managed to settle into a decent position on the mattress, Jaebum losing his shirt on the way there, loving the way Youngjae’s eyes ate him up and his fingers traveled over his chest. Then he pushed him down into the sheets and tore his sweats down from his legs, revealing his cock hard and flushed having his mouth water. It felt almost routinely as Jaebum leaned over to the bedside table to retrieve lube and condoms and the moment it took him was enough for Youngjae to comfortable settle back and spread his legs apart.

A shudder of heat coursed through Jaebum and his spent cock protested weakly as it tingled, but he didn’t wait to spread the lube over his fingers and bring it up between Youngjae’s open thighs. He leaned down to kiss the soft surface of his tummy while he nudged the pads of his fingers against his entrance, rubbing teasing circles around it and listening to soft complaints. When he did push inside, he did so with two fingers right away, because Youngjae was impatient and Youngjae could take it and Youngjae moaned and flexed his thighs. Jaebum kissed up his chest, traced ribs with his lips and further to lick a nipple while he fingered him open.

Youngjae welcomed every motion if the noises he made and the way his legs curled around him were anything to go by. Jaebum took extra time to open him up, scissored his fingers and chewed on his nipples, but making sure to not stimulate his prostate too much so he wouldn’t come too soon. This time he really, really wanted Youngjae to orgasm on his dick. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious, but a whiny, breathless voice eventually cut through the gasping. “Are you hard again yet?” Youngjae asked scowling and kicked his heel against the mattress.

Jaebum plopped off his soaked, perky stiff nipple and looked down between them. “Almost.” He winced. Youngjae sat up swiftly, pushing him back in the process and grunting as his fingers slipped out of him. Then he threw him backwards down onto the bed and climbed over his thighs. Jaebum lay stunned in the sheets, watching Youngjae’s glowing body nestle atop him. It wasn’t so much that Youngjae being active or forceful was surprising in itself. It was just his ability to switch, his form limp and soft and pliant in one moment and hard and strong and demanding in the next. He wrapped his hand firmly around Jaebum’s half-hard cock, making him wince as he stroked down, still sensitive from the excessive blowjob.

Youngjae then ripped a condom package open with his teeth in order to not let go of him and if it needed another nudge to get him to full hardness, that was it. He moaned needy when Youngjae wrapped and lubed him up and sat up on his knees to scoot forward enough to angle him between his cheeks. He leaned heavily on his chest with his free hand, eyes piercing as he stared at him and with the most seductive moan he sank down on his cock.

He felt like fucking heaven and this time Jaebum was sober enough to feel  _all_ of it. The memory of being inside Youngjae blurry, but now it was intense and it was perfect. His dick hurt, just a little, but it was definitely worth it. Youngjae gasped and wiggled his hips and took him deep inside, eyelids fluttering blissfully. This was what heaven should be like. If he ever died and went to heaven and it didn’t consist of having an angel sit on his dick like that for eternity, he would be very upset.

Youngjae took it slow, not uncomfortable but teasing and his insides sucked him in and squeezed around him in the most delicious way until he was all the way seated, enthroned on his hips and licked his lips happily. Jaebum’s fingers found his thighs to squeeze them, feeling the flexed muscled underneath soft skin and  _god_ , he wanted to fuck him. Youngjae’s motions were barely there, shifting, tensing, but not pulling off, keeping him deep inside and sighing in bliss.

Jaebum wanted nothing more than to rock his hips up, thrust into him wild and fast, have his tight hole rub along the length of his cock and he dug his fingertips into Youngjae’s skin in order to hold back. He didn’t want to. He didn’t want to want it. Because he wanted Youngjae to come from his ass, to come from Jaebum’s erection impaling him and he wanted him to go at his own pace. To move the right way, make himself feel good, do whatever it was that pleased him.

And when it pleased him to wiggle his bottom against him, squeezing him with his insides and watch him go mad, he should do that. And he did watch. Beneath the breathless panting and hooded eyes there was a knowing glint behind his lids. Jaebum groaned and pushed himself up into a sitting position, moaning in unison with Youngjae about the slight shift and crashed their lips together. Youngjae’s arms flew up to wrap around his shoulders and with their tongues entangled he finally raised his hips, just a little and pushed them back down. Their noises mingled together, Jaebum’s fingers aimlessly wandered over his thighs and butt and up his back and then down again. Youngjae kept rutting in his lap with the same muted motions, but a million times better than before, short little thrusts and his hard cock dragged against Jaebum’s stomach, smearing precum and twitching every other push.

Their kisses became sloppier and sloppier until it was nothing more than them breathing into each other’s mouth, Youngjae’s nails scratching up his neck and his movements becoming more erratic. It was a gradual rise in depth and speed and once Youngjae bounced harder he never went back, never took a break, never paused for a breather. He rocked down on him harshly, moans louder and more broken by the second.

In any other environment it would probably be embarrassing how quick Youngjae came. He threw his head back, thigs squeezing tight around Jaebum’s hips and rammed himself down until his cheeks squished against his hipbones, making him growl and leave crescent marks on his bare thigh. Then he spilled between their bodies, hot cum splattering against Jaebum’s chest and belly, staining them.

With surprising force Youngjae pushed against his shoulders, made him fall back flat on the bed and rode him wildly, riding it out, droplets of cum still dribbling from his tip weakly and he moaned and whined loudly like a pornstar playing it up for the camera and if he really were one he’d make millions. Jaebum was close, despite having come so recently, but it was just not enough. He moaned deeply and rocked his hips up eventually, meeting Youngjae’s thrusts involuntarily, but then he winced and finally propped up on his knees and Jaebum’s poor cock slipped out.

Youngjae was… great. Jaebum wondered, honestly, if he just had a talent for picking up on his partners kinks and just… executed them. Or if they just happened to miraculously share what riled them up. Because Youngjae grabbed his hand and placed it on his own stomach where he’d left his mess, splayed his fingers over the skin, dirtying him up more as he slid his palm up his chest, covering his whole front in cum. Jaebum felt it against his hand, felt it stick to him wet and naughty. Youngjae leaned over him, in a way that had Jaebum’s still achingly hard cock rub against his belly making him moan and hovered his face above him. And with the most innocent look in his wide brown eyes he slipped his index into his mouth.

It wasn’t that it eventually made Jaebum orgasm, but… at least it played a big part. He was just so lewd, sucking on his finger like a popsicle, then licking his palm and the back of his hand like a bathing kitten, then switching to the next finger. His tongue was wet and hot and delightfully filthy against his skin, curling around his finger reminiscent of his previous blowjob and Jaebum might be in love with Youngjae’s mouth. His lids didn’t flutter, he stared him dead in the eyes while he licked up the filthy layer of sperm covering his hand, _thoroughly_ . Jaebum’s cock twitched angrily, his hips bucked to gain some friction and Youngjae ignored it. He tried leaning up, to catch his sinful lips and tongue for himself, but he pushed him down, his free hand right beneath his throat and all of his weight leaning on him, keeping him secure. He whined and his free hand grasped for him desperately while Youngjae’s tongue kept lapping up everything smeared over his fingers.

It left Jaebum completely riled up, completely frustrated and in absolute, perfect bliss. When Youngjae deemed his hand clean enough he leaned down and smothered his swollen, sticky lips down his chest, following his ribs with his tongue and licking his nipples until Jaebum was entirely gone. “Please…” he gasped breathlessly. “No more…” And he finally reached for his neglected cock, noticing he still wore the condom and meant to pull it off, but Youngjae grabbed him by the wrist and stopped him, making him groan whiny in frustration. “You’re gonna need that.” He whispered and climbed off him to throw himself face down in the sheets. Jaebum wailed needy and rolled over to slump onto the back of his thighs ungracefully, covering his body and as Youngjae buried his face in the sheets, he buried his own in his neck, his damp hair tickling his skin and shoved his cock between his cheeks.

Youngjae moaned when Jaebum stretched him open again, the warmth and friction heavenly and perfect and way too much. Jaebum’s muscles wouldn’t work right and the position was awkward, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t move right and that he was too exhausted from being on edge, because all it took were an embarrassingly small amount of half-assed thrusts and he came like a virgin.

“Fuck…” He grunted into Youngjae’s hair, hips staggering as the simmering lust suddenly knocked him over and tensed his body and he emptied inside the condom, a pitiful waste, but he couldn’t care less because that orgasm was one of a kind and Youngjae moaned as he rutted into his soft hole riding it out.

He drew away before he would crash down on him fully and smother him dead, because he wasn’t sure he would have the strength to get up again once he did. But Youngjae whined and kicked his feet. “Not yet…” He complained loudly, obnoxiously when he pulled out. “Empty…” Jaebum groaned when he rolled into the sheets, cold without the heat of Youngjae’s skin. “Fuck…” He answered and like he’d done it night and day he kept rolling until he could reach the nightstand.

Briefly he thought about trying out a different one, because there really was a large selection to choose from, but he decided against it. Because he liked the rhinestone and the thickness of it, so he picked up the same plug as last time and he told Youngjae “Hush”, pressing his lips against his ear and pressed the toy against his greedy hole, positioning it nicely between his cheeks and listening to blessed sighs.

Then he pulled the blanket over them and carded his fingers through Youngjae’s hair and he snuggled into his arms like they were a sweet couple.

  
  


  
  


Jaebum must have fallen asleep. Something shook him awake and he was incredibly disoriented for a moment. There was a rhythmic pressure against his side and he heard suppressed noises that, after a moment, he could decipher as Youngjae’s sounds of pleasure. He squinted his eyes open, he lay on his back, blanket shoved far to the side and he found Youngjae’s head hovering above him. His mouth was hanging open and as soon as he found him awake, he stopped bothering to quiet whatever pearled off his lips. He whimpered and pushed against him rashly.

He sat heavily on top of him, straggling his left thigh and rocked his bottom against him shamelessly. Something got stuck in Jaebum’s throat of which he couldn’t say whether it was just a breath or a sound or maybe a curse, but he choked on it. Youngjae’s eyes were glossy where they stared down at him and his cock was rock hard, dragging along the top of his naked thigh, coarse friction against their skin. He moaned, his thighs tightened around him and then his head fell. It landed on his shoulder, wet breath caressing him along with the vibrations of his moans and now he could increase the pressure, locking his cock between his own stomach and Jaebum’s thigh, rutting deliriously.

Jaebum shook off the sleep and brought his arms up, rubbing his palms against his shoulders and sides, listening to him whimper softly. “Sit up.” His voice was raspy from sleep and dry from overuse. “Let me touch you.” And Youngjae complied. His eyes were even glossier, his lips shinier and his cheeks pinker. He sat upright and squeezed his eyes shut, whimpering obnoxiously. His thigh’s shuddered around Jaebum’s, his cock twitched as it sprung up into thin air and when he shifted his weight backwards, his butt cheeks snugly fitting around his thigh, he could feel the hard end of the plug dig into his skin.

Youngjae rubbed back and forth, fingers finding his arm and clenching around it, pulling it up towards his middle, but Jaebum was so captivated, he had to bask in it for a moment, watch Youngjae’s sweaty body rock back against his leg and drive the plug into him, have it shift and nudge and stretch him open. He whined, flushed cock twitching in the air, desperate for stimulation and finally Jaebum closed his hand around him. He moaned and rocked forward, hips jittery and unfocused and pushed back again, rutting his stuffed hole against his thigh.

He didn’t really need to do much and it was captivating and sexy as hell. He merely kept his hand closed loosely around Youngjae’s length, purposefully not too tight, or maybe not even tight enough. And Youngjae fucked up into his fist with desperate noises and back down to rut the plug against his prostate and his nails left red scratch marks on his lower arm where he tried to pull him closer, increase the friction he wasn’t getting.

He whimpered, tensed, Jaebum squeezed his fingers and Youngjae’s head flew back as he cried out, his hips buckled and he shot his load all over his stomach and chest, shaking through his orgasm. Jaebum propped his leg up, pushed his thigh between his cheeks to nudge the plug, but also causing Youngjae to lose his balance, he toppled forward, wincing and unable to catch himself crashed down on Jaebum’s chest, squishing his spent cock between them.

His body was rising and falling in big motions on top of him while attempted to catch his breath, panting right into his ear and having him feel very, very warm. “Fff..fuck.” Youngjae gasped, small shudders still shaking his body. Jaebum moved on to pet his sides and back where his skin was so soft and his muscles invisibly defined. “You’re perfect.” He muttered thoughtlessly and felt him shiver. “You’re an ass.” Youngjae mumbled back exhausted. “You weren’t supposed to come back and ask for more.”

Jaebum stopped the motions of his fingers. “I didn’t…” He rasped, but Youngjae breathed kisses against his neck and cheek, distracting him. “It’s okay.” He whispered. “If it comforts you. I’ll comfort you.” Jaebum shifted uncomfortably. This was so wrong. Youngjae’s words never made sense. Who was he? What were they for each other? “I didn’t… I didn’t come back to get laid.” He gave back distraught. “I wanted to talk to you.”

Youngjae lifted his upper body off him and their eyes met. “Do you think there’s something to talk about?” He asked quietly. His expression was undecipherable. Jaebum frowned, sighed. “I just…”

“Hey fuckers!!” A booming voice and a loud knock on the door interrupted him. “Are you perverts done?” Someone yelled. A moment of silence, Youngjae grimaced and it looked adorable. Jaebum felt his cheeks heat up. There hadn’t been a loud party to drown out their sex noises. “Yah!” the voice insisted and it knocked again, hard. “You promised to come down and play Youngjae-Hyung!” Jaebum wasn’t sure but he thought it was someone else yelling now. “Hyung!!”

Youngjae rolled his eyes, he sat up and hissed. “I’m coming!” He called back, resulting in a moment of silence. Jaebum’s cheeks ached in his attempt to hold the grin spreading.

“Well can you join us downstairs when you’re _done_ coming?” The first voice screeched and then tapping feet scuttled down the hallway, away from the door.

Youngjae looked down at him. Their moment of emotional intimacy was over and Jaebum wasn’t all that sad about it. “I have to go murder the maknaes in Mario Kart.” He explained as if it was a terrible burden. Then he crawled off him. “Gonna take a shower.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a porn fic, btw. In case you haven't noticed.  
> I'm just dragging out the plot to write more sexy times :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So uhm... A whole month. Really B? I'll be honest, isolation is wearing quite hard on me and I'm pretty driveless and unmotivated. I had a week off work for Ateez and KARD concerts and of course they were cancelled and I spent all week sitting on the sofa binging Horror Movies on Amazon. And when i 'went' back to work I was placed in Homeoffice instead. So, very frustrating, very boring and I spend all day at the same desk for work and then after work I don't wanna sit there and write. But yeah. Boys got me back. Comeback news have really pulled me out of my stupor. Reliable little babies <3 /rant
> 
> Now you patient sweetpeas go get a nice long chapter with double smuttiness before we make our way to the finish line.  
> I know a handful of you will be verrrry pleased with some specific bits in this chapter. You'll know.

They ended up taking a shower together. It all was a bit strange, but not too much in the sense that it reminded Jaebum a lot of their ‘morning after’. Like they both ignored the elephant in the room and pretended they were nothing but acquaintances and occasional hook-ups, not acknowledging the fact that they basically didn’t know each other. Jaebum could count on two hands how many sentences they’ve spoke to each other. Which didn’t change the fact that he felt so calm and comforted in Youngjae’s presence.

Everything was a big mess. In every sense of the word. Youngjae limped to the adjacent bathroom, hissing every second step and when Jaebum slipped through the door behind him before he could close it he didn’t seem surprised. They climbed into the shower together, which was a little too narrow, but they made it work and only in there Youngjae bend forward, his palms flat against the tiles and threw a pleading look over his shoulder.

Jaebum carefully grabbed the base of the plug and pulled it free, listening to him wince and grunt and while he did he asked himself for whom of them this was the bigger kink.

It wasn’t a sexy shower. They alternated soaping up and stepping under the water and the most suggestive moment was when Jaebum dutifully cleaned the shiny surface of the plug, Youngjae’s hand wandered behind his back and he cleaned himself with a scrunched nose.

Jaebum had no choice but to put on the clothes he came in, but Youngjae stalked over to his closet and pulled out fresh T-Shirt and underwear. From his place at the foot of the bed where he put on his jeans, Jaebum found that he leaned down a little to sensually when he placed his feet into the legs of his panties. Then he pulled them up slowly over the length of his pretty legs until they hugged his bouncy ass snugly.

For whom was it the bigger kink, he pondered and eventually reached for the lube that was still scattered on the mattress and picked the plug back up. Youngjae paid him no attention when he coated it with lube, busily sliding on a fresh T-Shirt and only reacted when Jaebum stepped up behind him, pushing his face into his neck. His free hand curled into the waistband of the recently put on underpants and pulled them down, snapping them beneath the curve of his butt.

Youngjae released a shaky breath, hands coming up and pressing flat against his dresser as if for leverage. Then he bent. Jaebum had to swallow down a curse, his barely regenerated length twitching inside his tight jeans. He took a step back to admire the perky butt reaching in his direction, T-Shirt bunched up on the waist above. The pulled down panties looked naughty, how they exposed him and barely noticeable Youngjae’s legs trembled.

For whom was it the bigger kink, Jaebum wondered as he reached out with his free hand and dragged his thumb between his cheeks down his dry, impeccably clean rim, feeling his empty hole flutter around the pad of his finger. Then he grabbed a handful of bouncy flesh and spread it open and almost missed Youngjae’s weak, high-pitched whine. He didn’t miss the significantly louder one that happened, when he pressed the lubed up, thin tip of the plug against his twitching entrance, watched mesmerized how easily it opened up around the intruder, stretching him further and further as he pushed it deeper inside. He held it in place for a moment as he reached the thickest part, Youngjae’s pink, puffy hole so tight around it and his hips shook while he gasped and huffed.

Then it plopped fully inside, Youngjae’s entrance snapping close around the base, commented with a soft moan and then it was settled nicely between his cheeks, just like before their shared shower. Jaebum felt like he needed another one, glad that he hadn’t put on his shirt yet or he’d already have sweated through it again. He let go of Youngjae’s ass and he immediately stood back upright and pulled his panties up, hiding the naughty accessory under his clothes. When he turned around Jaebum still stared at him, completely lost and confused and seriously not knowing what the hell was happening in his life.

Youngjae stepped closer, reached out, grabbed him by the tiddies and pulled him in until they crashed together and their mouths slotted against each other and they lost themselves in a heated kiss. His arms wound around Jaebum as he grabbed on to his waist, held him close and they kissed and licked each other’s mouth as if they wanted to eat the other up and Youngjae’s entire, warm, comfortable body pressed into his front, made him soft and full and whole.

Until there was another sudden rap at the door, startling them out of their play of tongues and lips and teeth. “Hyung, seriously!!!” Someone yelled. “Can you get your ass off that guy’s dick for an hour?!”

  
  


They looked barely disheveled when they finally walked out of Youngjae’s room. Jaebum followed a step behind the other, who’s stride was surprisingly steady and proper considering he was going downstairs to hang with his friends… while  _he had an anal plug up his arse_ . Which was somewhat concerning, but Jaebum was more concerned with the fact that he didn’t know what to do once  _he_ was downstairs. Was he expected to leave? He should, probably, but by now it was almost eleven and there would be no trains going home anymore.

They had been about to talk to each other a while ago, but since they were interrupted, everything was just… different. Jaebum realized that he was nervous in Youngjae’s presence when they weren’t fucking. They would have to address it at some point if they were going to… spend more time together.

But would they? Was Jaebum a recurring hook-up? Why was Youngjae so compliant with him? Was he like that with everyone? Why was he so trusting and why did none of that even bother Jaebum? Was he still subconsciously proving a point?

“How are your Mario Kart skills?” Youngjae interrupted his mental ramblings when they reached the foot of the stairs. Jaebum hesitated. Then shrugged. Gaming had been Mark’s specialty, he had honestly never gotten the gist of it. “Well, time to find out!” Someone yelled from the adjacent common room that had a well-sized TV and a whole matching set of sofas and settees. It was pretty.

The yelling voice was the skinny one’s and when they stepped through the door he threw some controllers in their general direction. The one aimed for Youngjae hit him straight in the chest and clattered to the ground while Jaebum reacted, more instinctively than anything, and just so managed to catch it out of the air, luckily, because it went straight for his head. “Woahhh.” He heard from the side. “Nice catch!” It was the tall boy this time and he looked positively excited, which Jaebum found a little embarrassing considering he hadn’t done anything but catch a controller.

“So cool!” The boy beamed, grabbed him by the arm and pulled him over to the sofa to sit down. “Nobody catches Bam’s surprise attacks!” he grinned and said Bam stuck his tongue out at them and then shuffled to his feet to walk over and pick the other controller back up from the ground. Jaebum’s eyes followed him and only then he realized that Youngjae was nowhere to be seen. He blinked and craned his head around to scan the room, panicking mildly. Youngjae wouldn’t leave him alone with two hyperactive teens now would he?

“What’s your name, Hyung?” The tall boy poked him in the shoulder for attention, oblivious to his crisis. Jaebum whipped around. “Jaebum…” he mumbled. “What’s your birthyear?” He kept inquiring. Jaebum more than anything _grunted_ a response, but apparently not quenching the boy’s curiosity at all. “How do you know Youngjae-hyung?” He wanted to know, innocent enough with no way to know how much weight this question carried. “Party…” Jaebum muttered and the boy didn’t question it, proceeding then to want to know how he was “so good at catching!!” Flustered Jaebum turned around again as he heard someone enter and found Youngjae return with a lot -and I mean a lot- of beer in tow. “Basketball.” He answered distracted.

It wasn’t like he’d ever played professionally, just for fun and it happened to be how he met Jackson in the first place and they never really stopped playing together. Just them and a ball and it was nothing like playing video games with four people and beer and a gorgeous boy with a sex toy up his butt.

Jaebum had tall boy sitting on his one side, who finally introduced himself as Yugyeom which was a normal enough name and Bam, who’s whole name was Bam  _Bam_ , which wasn’t any less weird than just one Bam, sitting on his other side, so Youngjae sank down uncomfortably far away from him. He sat quite carefully and everybody noticed, except Youngjae didn’t acknowledge it and the boys didn’t say anything. Jaebum just hoped they thought he was simply sore and not… kind of… technically still… in the middle of sex. If that was the case.

Jaebum downed his beer pretty quickly, feeling stuffy and confused and embarrassed and weird, but no one commented.

It also turned out that his Mario Kart skills were subterranean, much to the enthusiastic joy of the rest of the drivers, but he couldn’t be upset about losing time and time again, because…

He had fun.

  
  


It took him a while to decipher the emotions that rose up from his guts, settled in his chest and made him lightheaded. It didn’t bother him anymore that Youngjae didn’t sit next to him, because Bam Bam and Yugyeom were funny. They were loud and easily excitable and it kind of managed to drag him along and to his utter confusion, Youngjae was quite the same.

He just realized how much he didn’t know about the boy. How he was, how noisy and cheerful and how he laughed so obnoxiously mischievous when he knocked one of them off the path. He was undoubtedly the best in the game and he didn’t play coy about it. There was apparently an official rule that said the winner of a round had to down their beer so as to level out both the driving skills and the alcohol intake. The logic was that the winner would be more drunk next round and would lose and the soberest person would then win the next round.

The problem was just that Jaebum sucked so bad, even when Youngjae was already very, very intoxicated he still managed to get wrecked and at some point in the night he found himself virtually sober with three drunk-ass, noisy college-students. And he loved it. 

He was positively endeared by them, Youngjae most of course, but the other two weren’t bad either. They were sweet and funny and had so much positive energy radiating off them, in a way Jaebum thought was only possible for people who had no worries in the world and for a while his heart didn’t ache. He wondered, while he stared at Youngjae’s form, face sweaty and leaned forward in concentration (his own toon stayed still on the screen in a ditch, he’d given up already with even the computer a whole round ahead of him) he wondered, if he liked them.

Or if he’d just been so pathetically lonely that any kind of company or attention would make him feel that whole and fuzzy. Or if he liked Youngjae.

  
  


Jaebum startled out of his stupor when Youngjae yelled, threw his arms in the air and flung his controller away, cheering about his victory with sparkling eyes and a fat grin. “I am the champ!” He shouted happily and pointed at Yugyeom. “Who’s the champ, Gyeomie?!” Yugyeom pouted. “You are, Hyung.” Then Bam Bam chimed in. “Champs finish their beer!” He demanded and only when Youngjae grabbed it off the table and threw his head back Jaebum noticed that he was trembling and that his eyes weren’t glassy just from joy.

He swung his feet off the sofa and stood up. “It’s bedtime for little champs.” He stated loudly and made both Bam Bam and Yugyeom giggle, why ever that was. Youngjae beamed happily and reached his arms up in an achingly adorable grabby gesture. Jaebum couldn’t not lean down and grab him under the shoulders to pull him up. Except Youngjae didn’t seem to want to get to his own feet and clung to him as if he expected to be lifted up like a toddler. Honestly, Jaebum wasn’t strong enough for that, so with a huff he let Youngjae fall back into the sofa again and… he cried out breathily and shuddered when he landed on his butt.

The boys squeaked and laughed and Jaebum felt his face heat up. Oh god… Youngjae’s eyes were wide and teary and he breathed harshly. “I can’t lift you up!” Jaebum told him embarrassed and Youngjae had the audacity to pout. So Jaebum turned around and squatted down. “Climb up.” He muttered and suddenly Youngjae seemed to have enough strength as he climbed onto his back swiftly, wrapping his arms over his shoulder and clinging his legs around his waist.

Jaebum hoisted him up as he came to stand on shaky legs and Youngjae softly moaned in his ear, hopefully too quiet for the others to hear over the cheery music from the game and as if all of that wasn’t enough, Jaebum could also feel something hard poke into the small of his back. “Jesus.” He muttered under his breath, told the still laughing boys ‘Goodnight’ and prepared himself mentally to climb the stairs without caving under the weight.

He was pretty sure that the small moans Youngjae kept breathing into his ear were fake, but it still had him sweat profusely on their way to the room and he dropped Youngjae carelessly down onto the bed with a heavy groan. He stripped down to his birthday suit before joining him on the bed and helping him struggle out of his own clothes and just when they were completely naked in Youngjae’s comfy bed it was as if the weight had really left his shoulders.

Youngjae sprawled back on the bed, spreading his legs and the plug sparkled in the light between his cheeks. It was hot and Jaebum’s skin tingled with excitement, even though his spent, exhausted cock didn’t stir. He didn’t mind and Youngjae didn’t seem to mind when he climbed between his parted legs and fumbled for the base of the plug. He would gift Youngjae a hundred orgasms without getting any in return if he had the chance.

Youngjae moaned, shifted and drew his brows tight when he started moving the toy inside him. Jaebum seriously wondered how sore he was and how much pleasure he could possibly still gain from it as he leaned down to kiss up a milky thigh, twisting the plug and nudging it deeper. He also wondered how long Youngjae had been hiding a boner while playing (and still winning mind you, despite being drunk, horny and having his butt stuffed), his pretty cock flushed and red and rock-hard.

He licked up the length and slowly pulled the toy out, feeling the resistance and hearing Youngjae’s whimpers until he made it past the thick part and it flopped all the way outside. His cock twitched beneath his lips and he kissed it, wrapped his free hand around it and leaned back to watch as he pushed forward again, Youngjae’s hole all swollen and reddish as he forced it open once more around the plug. Youngjae tensed and whined and the twisting of his hips had the smooth surface of the plug slip and be sucked back inside. He moaned in response and Jaebum’s grip tightened, rubbing up and down his shaft to increase his pleasure and distract from the tease against his rim.

Youngjae’s fingers clawed into the sheets, his eyes closed and head thrown back, his whole body tense and waiting and Jaebum kept pulling the toy out, letting it sit with the thickest part stretching Youngjae’s entrance, fascinated by how the puffy muscle sat tight around it and failed to shut closed each time the toy plopped out. It was beautiful. He pressed the narrow tip gently against it, just as much as it went in easily and leaned down to take Youngjae into his mouth again, closing his lips around him and listening to him moan in delight, nudging and teasing his entrance without pushing inside.

Youngjae’s hips bucked up wildly, gagging him and Jaebum did his best to relax his throat and flatten his tongue, the length of his cock rubbing past the inside of his mouth and roughing up his lips. But Youngjae was so delirious, he didn’t hold it against him, how his hips thrust up and fucked his mouth, irritated the back of his throat while he groaned wildly. Jaebum just so had enough coherency to notice the tensing of his muscles and the shift in his voice and he pulled off Youngjae’s wet cock, making him cry out in frustration and he closed his fist around the slick surface and finally shoved the plug back inside, tearing his hole open one last time that had Youngjae’s body convulse in the most beautiful way possible.

He moaned loudly, pained and whiny and just has Jaebum stroked his hand up and cupped it around his tip, he came. He emptied a mediocre load into his palm, hips twisting in the air, the base of the plug shaking when his lower body shuddered and tightened. His body shook with the force and Youngjae’s face was twisted into a grimace of pleasure and pain, his breath hitching and releasing in short, pressured pants while the orgasm clawed through him and finally he went limp.

Jaebum released his softening cock that fell down onto his stomach and the end of the plug and leaned up over Youngjae’s face, who lazily blinked open his eyes. His chest was still heaving, his lips hanging open and his eyes lidded. He looked as pretty as they come, Jaebum was sure that no human being could possibly ever be that gorgeous. “Clean up.” He murmured and raised his hand to Youngjae’s lips who darted his tongue out sweetly to lick along his palm. Jaebum wouldn’t get tired of this. Ever.

He waited for Youngjae to lick his hand completely clean, even though he seemed to be on the verge of falling asleep in the middle of it. He nudged against his lips and admittedly got his mouth and chin a little messy, but it was just even hotter. If he were less spent and tired, Jaebum would have gotten hard after all.

Only after that he crawled back down and removed the plug, Youngjae complaining softly under his breath when he pulled it out as carefully as he could before snuggling up to his side in a somewhat massive Déjà-vu, way too happy with the way his soft body molded against him and they curled around each other familiarly. Sleep came way quicker than it did in Jaebum’s childhood bedroom at home.

  
  


  
  


He woke up well-rested, with no hangover and no headache and he found himself clinging to a warm body. Youngjae was still fast asleep, snoring quietly and he didn’t stir when Jaebum climbed out of bed to use the bathroom. When he came back he stood in the door and watched him snore peacefully for what felt like an eternity. He checked the time. He’d still make it to the train at noon.

He could also take the train in the evening. Wait for Youngjae to wake up and finally… talk about something. But what if they’d say things he didn’t want to hear? He shifted. Everything looked different during the day. Youngjae was different when they weren’t busy fucking and it scared the shit out of him.

He put his clothes back on and snuck out.

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


It was one thing to start his first full-time job, everything new and exciting and nothing that university could possibly prepare you for. It was also one thing to have clingy cousins hover around him whenever he was in his temporary home and sometimes have their girl-friends flutter their lashes at him while he volunteered to cook dinner.

It was a whole other thing to throw himself around in his bed at night and feel lonely and frustrated. And it was the worst thing that whenever his mind wasn’t occupied for so much as a second… he’d think of Youngjae. He hated it, especially when he thought about Youngjae a little too intimately and ended up with a boner, his baby cousin one paper-thin wall away. And he hated it almost more when the thoughts of Youngjae wound together with his loneliness and Youngjae’s bright, shining light seemed to be the only thing capable of defeating the darkness.

His uncle asked him what was wrong, often, until one day he just stopped and Jaebum suspected he’d called his brother. It was one thing to be heartbroken over a failed relationship. Even a relationship that ended with infidelity. He missed Jackson. He missed the little things. The snuggling at night, the bickering about which movie to watch, the cheesy  ♥♥♥ -Texts. But he also missed having someone to vent to. Someone who’d always listen to him, who he could share his worries with. He had so many worries.

And he noticed, distantly, how it wasn’t necessarily Jackson himself that he missed. His face was, in his mind, tainted with the anger, disappointment and hatred that he felt towards him, to a degree that he avoided to even picture it. It was his presence, his role, what he stood for that Jaebum missed. Not _him_ .

It was another thing though, that there was Mark. And then there was Jinyoung. And then there was Amber. Jaebum growled in frustration and startled his aunt. “Are you okay, son?” She asked sweetly and Jaebum ducked his head, shrugging. “Sorry.” He mumbled, looking down at the empty table. He’d offered to help with dinner but instead he just sat there at the kitchen table lost in his thoughts.

It was Friday night and his cousins were still out, hanging with their friends or whatever normal people do. Would it be too weird if he admitted that he was envious of them? Fridays used to be games nights. And drinking of course, because… well… students. But mostly games. With drinking. Sometimes Jaebum had skipped them, because he didn’t feel like leaving the house, then he pretended to be sick and Jackson would stay behind to “nurse him back to health”. Now it felt like blasphemy that he’d ever  _not_ been in the mood to spend time with his best friends.

  
  


Jaebum rose from his chair abruptly, startling his poor aunt again. “Jaebum, sweetie?” She asked and he turned away. “I’m going out.” He said and made for the door, “Sorry about dinner.” He added on, but his aunt said it was no problem and waved him Goodbye when he slipped on his shoes and out the door.

He was grateful that he had his phone in his pocket because he literally forgot to take anything. Forgot his wallet and keys and everything. Mark’s parents were rich. Mark’s never had the need to live in a dorm or with roommates, he’s had a nice apartment since freshman year and there was no need to move whether Jackson covered half the rent or didn’t.

While he sat on the bus Jaebum imagined what was going to happen when he showed up on Mark’s doorstep and it frightened him and he hadn’t even made it halfway there when he changed directions. It was barely after seven when he arrived at the frat house.

It was Yugyeom who opened the door. “Hey.” The smile crept on Jaebum’s face involuntarily. “Is Youngjae home?” His friendliness wasn’t reciprocated. Yugyeom caught him off guard, crossing his arms defensively and scowling. “Maybe.” He answered coldly. Jaebum’s smile deflated. “Uhm…” He made, suddenly uncomfortable. “I… wanted to see him, so…” He gestured for the door which Yugyeom’s rather impressive frame blocked. “And does Youngjae-Hyung want to see  _you_ ?” Jaebum didn’t miss the lack of respect with which Yugyeom addressed him, but for now he decided to gloss over it.

Truth be told. He didn’t know. He had no idea if Youngjae would still welcome him with open arms. How was he supposed to know? He didn’t know about anything that went on inside his head. They had no relationship and Yugyeom’s hostile nature was maybe a hint that Youngjae had talked bad about him. Maybe he hadn’t appreciated the fact that Jaebum left without a word last time? He didn’t know. But he didn’t want to admit that either.

“I haven’t heard anything else.” He gave back, straightened his shoulders and pushed against the door. It slid open and he slipped past Yugyeom, muttered ‘Thanks’ from the corner of his mouth and walked through the hallway quickly, hoping to lose Yugyeom on the way. And luckily this time neither him nor Bam Bam followed him to Youngjae’s door.

He knocked. Youngjae’s voice from inside was muffled. “Leave me alone!” Jaebum shifted slightly. Normally he respected people’s privacy, but he’d come all the way here… “It’s me…” He called out. “Jaebum.” It was silent for a while. Then he heard the sound of shuffling feet and a clicking noise that he assumed to be the lock. Then the door swung open. Youngjae looked a bit ruffled and he greeted him grumpily. “Sure.” He muttered and stepped aside. Jaebum entered awkwardly and stopped in the middle of the room.

“Look I…” He started and fell into stunned silence when he turned around and found Youngjae locking the door again before starting to strip out of his clothes. “Fine.” He said, dropping his shirt to the floor. “Get on the bed.” And he strode across the room to grab him by the sleeve and pull him over. Jaebum stumbled and fell to the mattress, Youngjae was already almost naked before he gathered himself. “No, wait.” He said panicky. Why did Youngjae have to do this? How was he supposed to not get swayed when he was that forward.

“I don’t have much time, we’re going out later.” Youngjae let him know and crawled over his lap to aim for a kiss, only his underwear left on his body. Jaebum had to grab him by the shoulders to push him away. “No, don’t…” He resisted weakly, he was already stirring in his sweatpants with the warm skin pressing against him and the softness of his lips.

Youngjae didn’t just stop. He crawled back off his legs and sat on the mattress. “Okay.” He said. “What is it?” Jaebum noticed that he looked away, but then his eyes flickered back and they brushed over his cheek and he shifted. Jaebum took a deep, shaky breath to calm his racing heart. “That was easier than I thought.” He huffed, more to himself. “Well, I take consent very seriously and you literally said ‘No’. So what is it?” Youngjae fiddled with the blanket, but his eyes stayed locked to the same spot on Jaebum’s face. It made him feel self-conscious. He raised his hand and placed it against his cheek almost instinctively.

“I think we need to… Or rather I wanted to…” “What _is_ that?!” “…talk.”

“What?” He asked. “What?” Youngjae asked. He took his hand back down. “A… a piercing.” He muttered. Youngjae scooted closer, gaze focused and he raised his hand like mesmerized, grazing his fingertips against his cheek right below the piercing. It had Jaebum positively shudder. “That… is so hot.” Youngjae stated boldly and why was he suddenly that close again and looked him straight in the eyes, pupils blown and lips moist. “Can I touch it?” He asked, Jaebum hyperaware of the pads of his fingers sitting right underneath. Warm and a little rough. He nodded without thinking. “Careful.” He added and why was his voice so hoarse out of nowhere?

He was really careful, butterfly-touches to the skin between the holes and a soft drag over the balls at the end. And Youngjae’s right hand slipped between their bodies and pressed against Jaebum’s clothed dick casually. He sucked in a harsh breath, but his initial resistance crumbled into nothing immediately. “God… I want you now.” Youngjae whispered and a blink of an eye later his lips were on Jaebum’s; soft and wet and comforting and he kissed him breathless with his thumb pressed under his eye and his palm covering his cock.

He got hard way too quickly to complain, his agenda forgotten and his skin prickled so delightfully where Youngjae touched it. He made quick work of his clothes once they parted for air and Jaebum found himself nude in the sheets with a panty-clad Youngjae kneeling between his legs, leaning over him to pepper kisses over his cheeks, still careful and in amazing contrast to the forceful kneading of his thigh and waist.

It was also Youngjae this time to get the lube from the drawer before he shimmied out his briefs. His cock stood proudly erected between his legs, despite barely any foreplay and it had Jaebum heat up another notch. Just the validation that he indeed desired him. That whatever this was between them was not just a weird game of power and unspoken anxiety, but an arrangement of mutual attraction.

“I used to have a nose piercing, too…” He babbled out in a sudden rush of adrenaline, feeling so vulnerable and powerful under Youngjae’s heated gaze, with his legs parted and his cock leaking. “I know…” Youngjae leaned over him again to kiss him more, kiss his piercing and where his nose ring would be if he wore it. “Seen you with it… It’s so sexy…” Jaebum shuddered, grabbed for him, his neck, his hair, his legs scrambling up his waist.

It wasn’t that Jaebum had stopped liking it. But he’d had it done for Jackson. Sort of. Because Jackson hadn’t wanted him to get the anti-brow piercing that he had wanted for so long. Not that Jackson ever told him not to get it, but he had gently nudged him away from it, so the nose one had been like a trade-off. He loved it, but it felt wrong to wear it any longer. Now, if Youngjae told him it looked hot he could get behind it again.

Whatever happened to the consent he wondered when Youngjae fumbled with the condom, hindered by Jaebum’s knees locked tightly around his waist, but he didn’t feel like taking them away. Not even when Youngjae lubed himself up generously. Instead Jaebum made an impatient noise, catching his attention. He looked up from between his legs, lips shiny and eyes hooded and his hand started jerking around his cock, tugging on himself instead of just spreading the lube and he breathed out “Fuck… Now.”

Jaebum welcomed him with open arms when he leaned over him again, brought their lips together in a steaming kiss and wiggled closer between his legs. Because Youngjae needed his arms to hold himself in position, Jaebum was the one to reach down, get a hold of his wet, slippery cock and guide it between his cheeks, a challenge concerning Youngjae’s shaking hip. He moaned against his lips, tongue going slack when Jaebum pressed his tip against his entrance and adjusted the angle of his hips to allow easier access.

Jaebum moaned back when the head pushed inside him unforgiving, stretching his hole and spreading a persistent heat through his body and by now it wasn’t even a kiss anymore. It was just their mouths pressed together, breathing into each other and still they stayed locked. “Fuck, you’re so tight.” Youngjae muttered, strained and barely coherent. “Then fuck me open.” Jaebum gave back, a little frustrated with everything taking too long when all he wanted was to take Youngjae up his ass and not think about  _any_ thing.

Youngjae rocked against him and  _fuck_ , it kind of hurt and he loved it. Youngjae’s lips slipped away eventually and he buried his face into his neck, moaning tightly against his ear as he pushed and pushed. It was insane and insanely hot, unbridled desire, like the purest of emotions and the filthiest equally. Youngjae  _was_ good at it when he focused, relentless, pushy, but not too much. Just on the border of tactless, one step further and Jaebum would have had to ask him to go slower, be more gentle, but he didn’t need to. Youngjae fucked nice and hard, the roll of his hips as sensual as the sweet moans in his ear.

His tongue spread wetness alone the lines of his neck in between and Jaebum bared his throat involuntarily and moaned through the fog of lust clouding his vision and his fingers grasped desperately for Youngjae’s hot skin, nails scratching up the velvety surface, but he heard no complains just passion, just pleasure.

It was the least detached sex they’ve had so far, unlike the wordless agreements, the wild, unhinged fucking they’ve done, this was too intimate for Jaebum’s broken heart. Youngjae pressed so close between his legs and when his noises ventured into the territory of high-pitched and whiny, he gasped out tiny pleas and called him  _‘So hot’_ and told him he  _‘can’t…’_ . Jaebum’s mind spun, his muscles tensed. His skin prickled where Youngjae’s lips and teeth grazed it and his bottom ached from the rough treatment, Youngjae’s length rubbing his insides on the verge of too much and not enough.

When Youngjae raised his head off his neck and stared down at him, it was a bit like looking in a mirror. His pupils were blown with desire, his cheeks pink and bangs sweaty, but in his eyes lay the same conflict that Jaebum felt, the insecurity and regret and confusion that they covered up so messily with carnal lust and filthy sex.

His hand cradled his cheek, fingers splaying out against his skin and his thumb pressed between the holes of his piercing. Jaebum shuddered violently, unexpected and Youngjae’s mouth fell open, cracking out a breathy “Fuck” just as his voice broke and he slammed inside him with stuttering hips, forcing a tortured groan from Jaebum’s throat. Youngjae’s hips ground into him with crooked whimpers, his mind spun and his body ached with need.

And then Youngjae’s motions slowed until he halted, gasping heavily against his skin. “Sorry… Came.” He muttered. “No need to be sorry.” Jaebum breathed out but even in his own ears it sounded strained. “I mean inside.” Youngjae clarified vaguely and kissed him as he wiggled his hips away, his cock slipping out and leaving Jaebum’s hole empty and throbbing. He groaned. “Suck for the condom.” He commented grumpily. “Would be great to feel it in me.” Youngjae kissed him again, body pressed so tightly against him, Jaebum felt his warm skin against his aching dick. “God I’d love that.” Youngjae muttered against his lips, grazing them wetly as he spoke. “Finish inside you, then lick my cum straight from your ass.” Jaebum’s gut tensed via the filth and if he were a little less turned on he’d hear how cringy that sounded. But he  _was_ infinitely turned on.

“Please…” He rasped and Youngjae detached from his and sat up. “What do you want?” He asked and grabbed him, finally paying attention to his neglected cock and Jaebum moaned involuntarily. He shook his head wildly. “Dunno.” He muttered. “Anything.” Youngjae jerked him lazily. “Wanna fuck me?” He asked, eyes dark and full of promise. Another groan ripped from Jaebum’s chest. “No need to waste another condom.” He confided croaky. “I’ll come in a second.”

Youngjae smiled at him from where he sat above him, more sweet than seductive. His grip tightened, thumb rubbing underneath his head. He slithered down, Jaebum’s legs falling off his thighs and back to the bed and then Youngjae’s mouth was on him, overwhelmingly wet and soft, Jaebum’s voice breaking when he moaned. Youngjae’s naughty tongue licked his tip, then his velvety warmth engulfed him and Jaebum was done for. He shuddered, cock twitching and came, before Youngjae even had the time to swallow him fully. With his lovely, gentle hand curled around his shaft and his insolent tongue sticking out he guided him through it as Jaebum shot his load all over his face, his cheek and lips and into his waiting mouth.

Jaebum might have whimpered as he felt a tension fall from his muscles that he didn’t know had been there, a wave of not just sexual relief crashing over him and he didn’t know what it was. Youngjae wiped his cheek a bit, then pulled his tongue back behind his teeth along with two of his fingers and crawled back up un his elbows, somehow slipping out between his legs and instead wrapping one of Jaebum’s thighs snugly between his own plush ones. Jaebum closed his arms around his shoulders and once he was almost up to his face, Youngjae let himself fall with a huff, smashing his face into his chest and neck.

“Ugh…” Jaebum made in surprise, but Youngjae emitted something like a grunt or a purr and it was somehow cute enough to distract him. He carded his hand into his hair and tugged and nudged his head away just enough to look at him. He was still suckling on his index finger, but his eyes looked sleepy. There were wet smears on his face, even though he’d rubbed a good portion off on Jaebum’s skin. He figured he wouldn’t bother this once. Youngjae blinked at him, lazy, but with a barely there mischievous glint and Jaebum just couldn’t.

In a rash motion, not knowing what’d gotten into him, he pulled Youngjae’s finger out of his mouth and crashed their lips together, startling him, but even himself a little. Not with any kind of agenda, just because he had the sudden, desperate urge to kiss him. He held him close, pressed him closer while their tongues mingled, heavy breaths shared between them and skin touching skin. They made out, deep, intimate kisses. Like lovers.

And he wanted that so desperately to be true. He wanted them to be a hook-up gone serious. Wanted everything to be one big coincidence with a pretty outcome. Their kiss broke, he thinks he did it. Youngjae’s head moved back enough so that their eyes could meet. And it happened. It just bubbled out of his chest with no filter. “You knew who I was, didn’t you?” Youngjae’s head, sideways on the pillow, nodded. Of course he had. Hadn’t Jaebum always known that? Youngjae had wanted to comfort him, to make him feel better. That’s what he’d said. Why?

“I knew who _you_ were.” Jaebum said and he nodded again, eyes serious. His heart contracted. “You knew that?” Youngjae’s voice was quiet, but solid when he answered. “Of course I knew that.” Suddenly Jaebum didn’t feel that comfortable anymore. He couldn’t pinpoint it exactly, but there was no way Youngjae hasn’t had any hidden agenda now was there?

He sat up. “Then why?” He asked, looking down at his face on the pillow, traces of their intimacy still boldly visible on it. He didn’t answer for a while. “Why?” Jaebum pushed. “If you knew… that I knew who you were, then… why? Why me?” Youngjae sighed. “I guess…” He spoke quietly. “… I felt sorry.” Something cold crawled upwards in Jaebum’s chest. “Sorry?” Finally Youngjae sat up as well, facing him with a distant look in his eyes. “I saw you and you were so… sad. And I thought… I felt bad for you and…” Jaebum turned away as he spoke. “Pity?!” he asked, swinging his feet off the bed. “You pitied me?!” Youngjae huffed. Or snorted. Or something.

Jaebum collected his clothes. “Come on that’s not what I said.” Youngjae tried, but it didn’t sound very convincing. “You fucked me out of pity!” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement as Jaebum whirled around with his shirt in hands. “Thought I was so pathetic? Thought you could make a full sweep? Thought you were such a grand prize?” He spat as he put his clothes on. “ _Noone will fuck that poor loser if_ I _don’t_ .” He mocked. “Well, fuck you.”

“You’re being unreasonable.” Youngjae called after him, but Jaebum stormed out anyways. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No. There aren't any other people living in this big ass house, okay? Studio can't afford more than two X-Men :3
> 
> Oh and I couldn't wait any longer to finally self-insert my horny ass into Youngjae being thirsty for Jaebum's dumb piercing. Like... I always give him this white collar persona where it doesn't fit so I've been pushing it back, but I WANTED it so bad. Finally.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had actually wanted to finish this before Comeback, but I literally forgot. Lol.  
> I hope ya'll have the brain capacity for reading after your streaming marathons baby birdies <3

Maybe Jaebum would have given up. He wasn’t certain, like, at all. But he figured, maybe. Just maybe he would have let things go. Just… went on to live his life, unhappily for the time being, but he would have managed. He did go back to look through apartments with affordable rent. He didn’t need that much space for himself, but he thought, maybe when he had his own place he’d get a cat. So he extended his budget, just a little and he almost, almost convinced himself this would work.

Except, then there was the text message. “Hey. Things went shitty last time. Let’s talk it out please.” Jaebum didn’t have the number saved. He probably didn’t need to, because who else would it be. Except Youngjae had never wanted to  _talk_ . “How do you have my number?” He wrote back and tossed his phone aside, telling himself that he wasn’t anxiously waiting for a reply. Not because he desperately needed an answer. If he were honest, he didn’t really care. He just wanted Youngjae to keep texting him.

“I’m Jinyoung-Hyung’s junior, remember?” The message popped up immediately when Jaebum crawled over his bed to retrieve his thrown phone. “What did you tell him you need my number for, huh?” He wrote, knowing full well that it came off as more hostile than he meant it. He couldn’t not be hostile. He was hurt. His jaw tightened when he read the response. “None of your business.” His elbow flinched. He wished to throw his phone again. “Fuck you.” He typed and regretted it immediately when he hit send. But Youngjae’s answer was a “😊” “No.” He added. “I told Jinyoung _‘None of your business’_. Because it isn’t.”

Jaebum’s heart calmed down as he studied the words. His thumb hovered idly. “Come over.” Youngjae wrote before he’d texted anything back. “Let’s clear this up.” Jaebum’s feet slipped off the bed and down to the ground like he was hypnotized. He wasn’t an idiot. He would grab this chance to fix things. To get answers. He regretted deeply that he ran away so stupidly last time. Before they could really talk. Before he could really understand.

But his pride and his vulnerable heart would have never allowed him to approach Youngjae first. To ask for another chance. A better explanation. He couldn’t get hurt again. He couldn’t keep handing people knives to stab him with.

He didn’t forget his wallet and keys this time. He put on his shoes and slipped into a thin jacket, all normal and reasonable. Nobody was home to see it though. He was already out the door when his phone pinged. “Come on, Hyung. Don’t ghost me. Come over or, at least tell me no.” He was a little embarrassed that he’d been so eager to get going that he forgot to tell Youngjae so. But he didn’t need to know that. “Yeah I’m coming.” He typed hastily while he jumped down the stairs, then pocketed his phone and made his way to the subway.

  
  


  
  


“You.” Bam Bam greeted him at the door, same rejective crossed arms as Yugyeom had welcomed him with last time. His teeny tiny body should be less intimidating, but it wasn’t. “Hey.” Jaebum said quietly. “I’m here to see Youngjae.” Even though that should be obvious. It’s like calling tech support and starting the conversation by telling them that you have a technical problem.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Bam Bam answered snappish. Stunned, Jaebum took his foot back that he’d already stretched to take a step forward. “I… what?” He asked. “Go away.” Bam Bam made a shooing motion with his hand. “Youngjae-Hyung doesn’t need another one of your kind.” Jaebum frowned. “My kind?” He repeated. Bam Bam scoffed dismissively. “You think you’re the only one?” Bam Bam drew a brow up mockingly. “Keep dreaming, playboy.” And then he attempted to slam the door right in his face. Jaebum shoved his foot into the frame, hissing as the door hit his ankle and successfully avoided being locked out.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He heard his own voice breaching the realm of defensiveness and malice. “And I think it’s none of your business anyways.” He pushed against the door and because Bam Bam was small and tiny he stumbled back a step, just enough for Jaebum to slip through the crack. Except, just when he stood in the hallway, Yugyeom appeared like a ghost over Bam Bam’s shoulder. His face looked worried, lips pressed together and staring straight at him.

“I don’t know what is wrong with you guys.” Jaebum snarled as he attempted to shove past them. “But I think you’re out of line.” Yugyeom blocked his path. “You’re being extremely disrespectful and you can’t make decisions for me OR Youngjae.” He had to stop in his tracks. “Get out of my way, he can decide for himself!”

Bam Bam shook his head. “No he can’t.” He said and Jaebum’s body stilled in surprise. “I won’t allow you to hurt him any longer. Because he’s not very good at protecting his feelings himself and that’s why we need to do it for him. That’s what friends are for.” Jaebum’s mouth popped open. He stared into their faces full of sincerity and childlike determination. “You’re not the first and you won’t be the last.” Bam Bam stated, smug, now that he had his attention. “If you’re not being serious you have no place here. You better leave now and forget about Youngjae-Hyung.”

“I can’t…” The words slipped out of Jaebum’s mouth without thinking and they surprised himself. He wasn’t sure though if he was surprised about saying them loud or just about how true they were. “Look…” He said, anger vanishing in a puff of smoke. “I need to talk to him… It’s important, but… I don’t know what…” He didn’t know what he was saying. “Yeah I’m not falling for that!” Jaebum noticed distantly that Bam Bam was leading the conversation, but Yugyeom nodded stoically to everything he said. That was one supportive friend. “You fuckboys are all the same. You always have an excuse. But you’re bullshitting and you know that!” Bam Bam stemmed his arms into his sides like an angry hobbit.

“You don’t really love Youngjae-Hyung, whatever stars you may promise to pick him from the sky! He may fall for the shit you tell him, but I won’t. You just think he’s easy that’s all! You don’t want to spend your life with him. You don’t want to commit. You don’t want to break up with your perfect little boyfriend and lose your perfect little relationship! You think he’s fine to keep as a side chick, but guess what? He’s not! But _you_ don’t care, because all _you_ care about is yourself and how he satisfies all your creepy perverted fetishes! Until one day he doesn’t anymore and you drop him like a hot potato. Or even better. What if, when your little boyfriend finds out, huh? How you’re gonna throw Youngjae-Hyung under the bus to save your skin! I won’t let that happen again!”

Suddenly it was awfully quiet. The words rung in Jaebum’s ears. Again. Again.  _Again_ . He watched both Bam Bam’s and Yugyeom’s stance go slack. Their eyes grow. Their mouths pop open. He was wondering distantly what was happening. They had been watching it. They had been watching him walk in and out of this building. They had listened in to the false promises and hushed secrets. Everything he had been pushing away came over him, too suddenly and too painful. The neatly raised fence between the two men crumbled. How could he have been so stupid. How could he have separated them?

“Oh my god.” He heard someone’s voice and couldn’t tell which of them said it because their faces were blurry. He raised his hand to his eyes that were burning and suddenly he understood why they stared at him like he was an alien. He was crying.

“Thanks…” He croaked and cleared his throat when he heard how broken his voice sounded. “I… probably needed to hear that.” Yugyeom frowned. “So, you’re going to leave now?” He asked in that voice that was too young for his big appearance. Jaebum shook his head. “I need to talk to Youngjae. Now.” He wiped stray tears away and took a step forward. Neither of them attempted to block his path. “You’re really good friends.” He let them know. “Thank you for protecting him. I wish I had friends like you.”

He left their confused frames behind as he made his way to the stairs. “You talk to him!” Bam Bam called after him. “If I hear one sex noise, I’mma castrate you!” Jaebum almost chuckled, swallowed air and choked, tapping down the upstairs hallway coughing.

  
  


When Youngjae opened his door after he knocked, he smiled, shyly. Jaebum’s heart ached. He walked past him and waited, standing in the middle of the room while Youngjae locked the door. “Are you okay?” He asked and Jaebum turned around to look at him. Then he shook his head. “I got a stern talking from your boys.” He explained flatly. “They’re very protective of you since the last guy broke your heart.” Youngjae showed him a grin that looked like a toothache. “Oh… sorry.” Jaebum shrugged it off. “No need to apologize.” Youngjae walked over to his bed and sat on the edge looking guilty. “Yes. There is.” He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

Everything Jaebum had wanted. To say, to hear. It all bled from his brain until nothing was left. He didn’t know where to start. He’d always required the assistance of other people to sort his thoughts. “I don’t blame you.” He said finally into Youngjae’s disbelieving face. “I think.” He added small. “I don’t know.” Youngjae looked sad. Sadder than he had before. And more vulnerable. Youngjae was a person, too, he thought. With feelings. Someone that had gotten hurt. Maybe, Jaebum figured, not all of this was about himself. And how should he have known that if nobody helped him understand?

He rubbed his face in exhaustion. “This.” He said and gestured vaguely around. “What is this?” Youngjae shrugged, looked at him for a while. “I don’t know what this  _is_ . I know what it _was_ and…” He took a deep breath. “I hope it’s not the same thing anymore.” Jaebum waited anxiously, but Youngjae stayed silent after that. “Tell me. Please.” He asked, desperately if anything.

Youngjae sighed, or huffed, again. It took a moment, but when he spoke, it was suddenly a lot louder. “I hated myself, okay?” There was spite in his voice. “Don’t get me wrong, I hated _you_ , but I hated myself more. For what I did. I thought I would make it better. I thought fucking you would give you some peace and fix my bad conscience. I thought I could make it up to you. At least a little and I would stop loathing myself.” He crossed his arms defensively. “It didn’t work.” They stared at each other as he spoke. Things he said before raced through Jaebum’s mind.

“I won’t allow you to judge me for that.” He kept speaking before Jaebum could come up with words himself. “You wanted to fuck me. And I let you. But you couldn’t leave it at that.” He pressed his lips together and looked. Jaebum looked back. “It worked.” He admitted finally. Youngjae’s brows drew tight. “You did… you did make it better.” Youngjae scoffed. “That’s no longer the point.” He said. Then he blinked heavily. Jaebum clung tightly to those words.

  
  


“Can I…” He mumbled quietly. “Can I tell you a story?” With softening features and big eyes Youngjae nodded at him. Carefully Jaebum sat down next to him on the corner of the bed, far enough away for them to not be touching.

“I… had a boyfriend.” He began. It was obvious, but he’d needed to start somewhere and Youngjae thankfully didn’t comment. “I thought we were… gonna be together forever. Like; he was the one.” Jaebum felt how much it was true while he said it. “We’ve been dating since the first semester of university. We became friends in an instant and started dating shortly after. We had the same group of friends, studied together, unofficially lived together. It was perfect.” It was.

“Years. Years later, just weeks before graduation… I found out he cheated on me. For a while already.” Youngjae shifted next to him and Jaebum turned his head, seeing him from the corner of his eye and he looked so broken. “We broke up.” He concluded. “Then I was alone.” His eyes wandered through the room, but he didn’t see it. Just stared straight ahead into nothing. “They were all Jackson’s friends, you know?” He got lost in his memories for a while. “He cried so much. He was sorry. Said it would never happen again. Begged me to give us another chance. Not him. Us. As if I was just as much at fault as him. But they were all his friends first and mine second. They all wanted everything to stay the same it always had. They didn’t want to give up their comfort to deal with a break-up.” Jaebum spoke faster; hurt, disappointment and anger rising in his throat. “How they told me to forgive him. That it was a mistake. As if that could happen to anyone. I felt like the whole world was out to get me… I guess I still do.”

Jaebum’s eyes popped back into focus and he glanced to the side, regretting it immediately when he watched silent tears stream down Youngjae’s pretty face. “I needed someone to tell me that I made the right decision.” He spoke over the aching of his heart before it consumed him. “But no one did. I was left to feel like I had been in the wrong. Like it was my fault and I questioned it. Whether I should have swallowed my pride just so that I wouldn’t be alone. And in the midst of my confusion and self-pity…” He swallowed. “…I saw him.”

Quiet. An almost inaudible sob. “The guy my boyfriend of six years thought was better than me.” He braced himself for what he had to say next. “And I  _hated_ him.” If Youngjae showed any reaction, he did so without a sound and Jaebum couldn’t bear looking at him. “I guess I projected everything onto him. All the rage and hidden sadness. I shouldn’t have, he didn’t cheat on me. Jackson did. But I was unreasonable and I just wanted to feel better. So… I tried to convince everyone, mostly myself, that he was just some… You know what.” It felt wrong to say even though that had most likely been the idea behind it. “Some useless slut.” Youngjae finished for him, cold despite the thickness of tears layered onto his voice. “He was the bad guy. Jackson couldn’t help it.”

Jaebum nodded, still without looking at him. “I went in there with the intention to… hurt him, I guess. To hurt Jackson. Them both if I could. It didn’t last very long.” He muttered. “At first I hoped that he didn’t know who I was because he’d just seduce any guy that came along… But then. I don’t know what happened, or how. He made me feel better. It wasn’t me doing it, by getting what I wanted, it was him, somehow. Then I hoped he didn’t know who I was, just so I could believe that his… attention was genuine.”

Eventually Jaebum shifted. Turned sideways to speak to Youngjae’s sunk-in form directly. “I don’t blame you.” He said and this time he was certain. “It wasn’t your fault. He deceived you like he deceived me and I don’t want to hurt you. I never really did. I was just… dumb and lonely and I had nobody reason to me about what a dumb idea it was.”

Whatever reaction he’d hoped for, it wasn’t Youngjae hiding his face in his palms and sobbing again. “I knew.” He whined through his fingers. “But I knew!” Jaebum waited for his heart to crack when the words dug into his brain, but it didn’t. Maybe it was just too broken already. Or maybe he’d secretly expected it. “Not at first, really.” Youngjae sobbed. “But I found out… I did and I… I still let it happen, I knew… It was too good to be true. It  _was_ too good to be true.”

Something in Jaebum’s mind twisted. Words, spoken not by him, or Youngjae or Jackson. Bam Bam. And he felt like an idiot how he never considered that side of the story fully. “You loved him.” He said, more a whisper, but loud enough for Youngjae to let his hands sink and look at him with wet cheeks and red eyes. “Yes…” He whispered back. “He… he said he’d leave you.”

It all came together there. Bam Bam and Yugyeom, watching from the distance how their friend gave his heart to a taken man, knowing that he’d end up broken, but unable to stop it. Youngjae foolishly believing he would end up on the other side victorious. Jackson’s sweet promises of ‘forever’ that he himself knew too well. He, stupidly naïve and oblivious to the signs. Jackson sneaking away to get from Youngjae what he couldn’t get from him until he was forced to decide between the two. And he chose… “He dumped me.” Youngjae finished his thought process, voice as broken as everything about them. “When you found out, he chose you and just threw me away. He told me he would fix things with you. He only came crawling back when you didn’t want him anymore…”

Jaebum wanted to reach out and touch him. Hug him maybe and he wasn’t sure which part of him wanted it exactly. He didn’t. “I can’t believe I had been so stupid.” Youngjae forced out. “I was so angry at myself. At him. I was disgusted by the thought of him touching me again. After all that. But I thought I had no right to feel like the victim. I could have been angry at you if you had taken him back. But you didn’t. You have never done anything wrong and I deserved to be punished. I have already been a cheap whore for him, I could…” Jaebum reached his hand out and slapped it over his mouth shutting him up. “Stop slutshaming yourself.” He said darkly. Youngjae pushed his hand away.

“But that’s the truth.” He whined angrily. “That’s why he was with me in the first place. Because I was down to just about anything with him. And it’s the same with you. That’s what you wanted and you said yourself, it worked!” “To make me feel better.” Jaebum insisted. “Because you made me feel less lonely!” Jaebum’s train of thoughts doubled over when it was quiet between them for a moment.

“Did you hate it?” He asked, very small after what felt like an eternity. Youngjae’s tears had almost dried. “The sex?” He pressured, clenched his jaw together so hard that his teeth hurt. Eventually Youngjae shook his head.

“Fuck it.” Jaebum threw his arms up, quite literally. Then he dropped backwards onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Youngjae had willingly shown how vulnerable he was. Laid it bare for him, even though he didn’t have to. And he was ready to hand him a knife. A small one. “I like this because it feels good.” Youngjae turned around to him, pulling his knees up onto the mattress. “We may have gotten into this… On a… I don’t know. Bad premise. But it felt good and I liked it. And if you don’t… Or if you think it’s better we don’t do this anymore, that would be okay. (It wouldn’t.) But I would like to keep seeing you.”

He rested his arms on the soft blanket, painfully aware of all the things that had been going on in this bed. “Seeing me?” Youngjae asked, not too sweetly. “You mean touching me.” Jaebum turned his head down to look at him. “No. Yes. No.” He sighed. “Of course I want that.” He admitted. “God, I like it so much. You know what I thought sometimes? That I understand why he did it. Because of how gorgeous you are. How could anyone not want you?” He knew that Youngjae didn’t consider it a compliment by the way he looked at him. “I just don’t want to lie, Youngjae-ah.” He sat up again, because he needed to see better and sound more sincere. “That’s what brought us together. I mean. I barely know you. But we also played Nintendo together and it was fun. I enjoyed it. Granted, I don’t have any friends right now, so maybe I’d have fun with anyone. But I had fun with you and your friends and I just… Shit I hate this.” He concluded, fully aware that everything he said just made it worse and now he wasn’t even sure anymore. Maybe it’d be for the better if they didn’t see each other again. Maybe he needed to clear his head before he ever thought of getting attached to anyone again.

“I don’t think we’re in a good position.” Youngjae said slowly. “We’re both heartbroken and looking to be consoled.” Jaebum knew it was true. “We’re projecting. At least I know I am. I don’t know what’s really under there, but… We’re both looking for something. And whatever it is, I don’t think it’s…” He shifted. “Pure.”

So that was it. Jaebum studied his face, determined to remember every little detail about it. Youngjae’s eyes remained fixed. “I think there’s nothing wrong with connecting through sex.” He stated, in a last-ditch effort to make sense of their situation. “Just so you know. I feel comfortable with you. I liked your undivided attention.” That, of all things, made Youngjae smile. And after what feels like an eternity it had the whole room light up. “I like your smile.” He added, but then shook out of it and straightened his shoulders. He was pathetic. All Youngjae had admitted was to not having  _hated_ the sex. That didn’t mean he liked it. That he liked anything about Jaebum at all. He should move away before Youngjae had the chance to use the knife.

“I like the stone.” Youngjae raised his hand to point at his face. Despite knowing that it was there, Jaebum’s hand followed, pad of his middle finger stroking over the side of his nose where the new piercing sat proudly, a sharp edge against his skin. “Thanks.” He mumbled because he didn’t know what else to say. He needed to get out now if he wanted to keep the smallest chance alive that he ever might be able to let go. But he didn’t even have the strength to get up from the bed.

“You’ll have to throw me out.” He mumbled, looking down at his lap. “What? Why?” Youngjae asked, audibly confused. Jaebum grumbled. “I don’t think I can…” He felt Youngjae shift closer. “You can’t leave unless I tell you to?” he kept asking, now a smirk in his voice. Jaebum’s shoulders drew up on instinct. “Don’t you care about my boundaries? My privacy?” Youngjae’s fingertips brushed over his arm. “My personal space?” Jaebum felt his muscles tense. “This isn’t funny.” He muttered. Youngjae hummed. “But if I told you to leave and not look back, would you?” Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Jaebum nodded. He focused on the light touch of Youngjae’s hand on his arm, just to remember he was there. His heart would break, probably.

“And if I asked you to hold me down and ravage me until I forgot my name, would you?” Jaebum nodded. Of course. Of course he would. “And if…” Youngjae leaned his forehead against his shoulder as he whispered. “And if I asked you to stay here and let me hold you until the sun comes up again?” “I would thank you.” Jaebum breathed, involuntarily, probably.

“I don’t want you to leave.” Youngjae said, just as quiet. “At least not right now.” He paused. “You call it pity. I call it sympathy.” He lifted his head and Jaebum opened his eyes again, turning towards him. His heart stung. “I don’t want you to be alone. I look at you and I see a man who doesn’t deserve to feel lonely.” Jaebum blinked. Something inside him seemed to understand even though his conscious mind was slow to follow. “You don’t deserve to be someone’s second choice.” He mumbled barely coherent. Youngjae smiled. “And don’t you dare to forget that.” He let him know, but then he leaned into his space entirely and kissed him.

Jaebum’s hands snapped up to cling to his sleeves like he was falling. Maybe, he thought while Youngjae kissed him sweetly. Innocently, softly, nowhere near the naughty, lewd intimacy they shared before. Maybe, this was the best thing they could have. The best thing they could to for one another. If Youngjae could save him from his loneliness and Jaebum could make him feel his worth. Maybe their reasons were impure, but maybe they were just honest enough to make it work. Maybe Jaebum didn’t want to think about what would happen if one of them grew out of their dependent relationship.

They somehow found their way into each others arms. A weird, uncomfortable hug that Jaebum clung to as if his life depended on it. He leaned into the kiss and slowly, very slowly Youngjae gave way and sunk back down onto the bed. He would have kissed him forever, maybe he did, maybe it lasted an eternity, but it didn’t go anywhere. They just kept kissing until every other thought was vacant from his messed-up brain. And he would have continued to do so.

If a loud thumping noise didn’t tear him out of his daze. Someone knocked at the door. Violently. “I haven’t hear you talk for a while!” Someone yelled and it was most definitely Bam Bam. “Are you decent?” Their lips parted. Jaebum’s breath was heavy and underneath him he found Youngjae’s cheeks pink and his sinful lips wet and parted. And then he smiled like the sun. “Go away Bam!” He called out, but Bam Bam just knocked again. “Don’t make me get the spare key, Hyung!” Bam Bam answered through the door, probably loud enough for every last person in this house to hear. “They have a key?” Jaebum mouthed in shock, he thought he was shaking, but then he noticed that it was actually Youngjae, a deep laughter rumbling in his chest. His white teeth blinked through his grin. Jaebum didn’t know what was so funny, but he found that he didn’t mind, because watching Youngjae laugh made his guts tingle pleasantly anyways.

“Come for dinner if you haven’t eaten your lover!” Bam Bam screeched and finally Jaebum removed himself from his half-lying-on-top-of-Youngjae position. He straightened his shirt, a little awkward and wiped some stray spit from the corners of his mouth. He felt strangely catapulted to reality where not everything seemed as easy anymore. But then another, sweeter voice came through the closed door. It was Yugyeom. “Jaebum-Hyung can join us.”

Youngjae scrambled to his feet and reached out his arm, offering him his hand. Jaebum took it without thinking and he felt the warmth travel through his fingertips straight to his heart.

Maybe they’d manage to pretend it was. Until it became true one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This end is so cheesy, I don't even know. It was a porn fic for the most part and I didn't know how to sort the emotions.  
> Sorry it took so long.
> 
> Also. Apologies for villainizing Jackson and basically Hyung-Line in general. I never meant to make them look so bad, I just think when I have less than 7 characters in the fic overall it's kinda stupid to not fill them with Members, you know? At least it wasn't Jinyoung for once.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading, scream your thoughts into the comments or my unsocial media and see you all next time <3

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on tumblr](https://absolutely-legit.tumblr.com/)  
> [Or on CC](https://curiouscat.me/totallzlegit/)  
> to voice your unfiltered opinion anonymously.


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